Just Tell Me You Love Me
by aryaunderfoot11
Summary: During season two of Make It Or Break It we find out that Emily Kmetko is pregnant. After finding out, Emily fled to Las Vegas to live with her godmother leaving the Rock and her dreams behind. Damon Young follows her there, and "Just Tell Me You Love Me" accounts just what happened in the years that follow, told from the perspectives of Emily, Damon, and Kaylie Cruz.
1. Chapter 1

DAMON

Damon Young stared out the window of the bus as it cruised down Sunset Boulevard. He had never been to Las Vegas before, and he wished he wasn't here now. At least, not for the reason he had come. Emily was pregnant. How could he have let that happen? And even worse, how could the thought of it make him so queasy?

He and Emily were in love, weren't they? They could be happy, finally have their "happily ever after" as Emily herself had put it. They would have a family, Emily and the baby could tour with him, they could finally have everything they wanted without her passion for gymnastics getting in the way. So why was he dreading the sight of her face?

The bus came to a halt and Damon grabbed his knapsack off the floor where it had been sitting for most of the twelve hour ride. Grabbing his guitar and filing off with the rest of the passengers he slowly did his ritual counting, _one… two… three… four… _He kept counting until he was off the bus. _Twenty-seven seconds._ He looked around the bus station, but Emily was nowhere in his sight. He pulled his phone out and checked the text message he had gotten from her godmother. She was supposed to be meeting him here. He looked around again.

"Damon!" he heard someone yell his name. Turning he saw her. Emily Kmetko, his girlfriend of two years, a passionate ex-gymnast and the soon to be mother of his child. Damon looked at her stomach. It had taken him a month to get all his affairs settled in Boulder and her stomach had grown. It was really happening. Her body was changing. There was no going back now. The realization hit him like a high-speed train; _I'm going to be a father._

"Hi," she said looking at him hesitantly.

"Hi. How have you been?" he said not looking her straight in the eye.

"Good," she replied, "Melissa has been taking really good care of me."

"Good," he said.

Silence ensued and he was immediately reminded of the awkward way things had been left in Boulder. Emily had left town without even telling him, figuring he had moved on. When Damon had found out Emily was pregnant they had been broken up. She had left him behind to follow her dream of becoming an Olympic gymnast. But, buckling under pressure she had given all that up for this baby, for their family. They had never really talked about it. Emily had barged into his apartment spouting happy daydreams about a life that they could finally achieve because of this baby. To Damon it didn't seem like an escape, it seemed like a trap.

Of course he couldn't blame Emily for what had happened. He had been equally as naïve in not using protection. He kicked himself for that one every day. He looked at her face, mousy, but beautiful, framed by brown hair that had grown considerably since they had met. It was now past her shoulders, stick straight. She was wearing black leggings, and a Def Leppard t-shirt that was too big and hung off the shoulder. Damon couldn't help but be transported back in time.

The first time he had met Emily had been at a gig with his old band. She had hated him, and he had hated her too. She had hated him because he had acted like a complete douchebag. He had hated her because she had made him feel something, and at that time in his life it was his chief goal to stay numb. Emily hadn't even come to that show to see him. She had gone for Razor, the lead singer of his group. They had been together at the time, and Damon had lost Razor's friendship for the chance to be with Emily. How different would his life have been if he had just left her alone?

But, he could never forget the way she looked at him that night. How she looked right past all the bullshit, and straight into his heart. All her little gymnast friends had all gotten drunk off of two beers that night, and he had fallen hard for the twiggy brunette who had stayed completely sober.

"So, how was your trip? Damon?"

"What? Oh, it was okay. Pretty long, I'm pretty tired."

"I'm sure. Come on, we'll get you back to Melissa's. I'm sure she'll dote on you, try to feed you enough food for six truckers, and personally tuck you into bed, but she means well."

Damon snickered, "Sounds like it."

Emily smiled at him, and he smiled back, grabbing her hand.

_ Maybe this could work, _he thought, _maybe, just maybe, they really could be happy together._

EMILY

It was weird seeing Damon here. And weirder yet seeing him sleep. He wasn't lying when he said he was tired. About five minutes after they had walked into her Aunt Melissa's house he had found his way into her bed and fallen sound asleep. The strange part of watching Damon sleep was seeing him so totally at peace. He was really beautiful when he wasn't angry or worried, which, when he was conscious, pretty much summed up his only moods.

She looked down at her stomach, touched it with both hands and marveled again at the miracle she and Damon had created. Emily knew that she had made the right decision in keeping the baby. She loved it too much to hate it now, and what was she really losing? Her face on a cereal box, a gold medal that would just get dusty on a shelf somewhere, and friends that were essentially competitors, none of it seemed important anymore. There was this little person inside of her now, growing stronger every day, and a man lying next to her that had given their life together a second chance. What more could she ask for?

Emily brushed a piece of dark brown hair out of Damon's face, his hair had grown considerably since the last time she had seen him. He looked even more like the punk rocker he tried so hard to be. _God, he is beautiful. _

Emily got up slowly from the bed and walked out into the living room where her godmother 'Aunt Melissa' was sitting on the couch knitting and watching _Days of Our Lives_. Friday was her day off from the diner that she worked at on Sunset Boulevard, where she was a waitress. She only worked there out of love for her regular customers. Melissa had been married to a rather wealthy man who had neglected to sign a prenuptial agreement before they had gotten married. When they finally got divorced after six, long, unhappy years of marriage Melissa had gotten half of everything he owned. She was a millionaire and by investing her money wisely, had stayed one for quite some time. Melissa had grown up in Las Vegas and had a showgirl past. When she got divorced she had moved back to her hometown and bought a ranch style house on the outskirts of the city. There was plenty of room for Emily, Damon and the new baby, or at least that's what Melissa had said when Emily had asked.

"How is Damon settling in honey?" Melissa asked as Emily came into the room.

"Fine, he's asleep," Emily replied.

"Is everything okay between you two? I could kind of sense some tension in the air when he got here."

Emily thought for a moment, "I'm not really sure. I suppose there's a lot we haven't talked about."

"Well, maybe you should think about ironing that out, all that stress can't be good for little Freddie."

Emily smiled at the name her aunt had given her stomach, "Yeah alright," she said sitting down to watch Beaux and Hope break up and make up yet again, feeling more at ease than she had in quite some time. But still, what her aunt had just said echoed in her mind. She and Damon still had a lot of things to discuss. Why they had broken up for instance, and what about the fling Damon had had with Kaylie Cruz, another gymnast on Emily's team during that time? What kind of feelings does he still have for her? On top of that Emily knew Damon was going to have to go to Los Angeles soon to begin recording his new album. Would he let her go with him, or was she destined to be the rock star's wife that always waited by the phone to hear the latest news? There were so many things in their relationship that were unresolved. Emily needed to be sure that Damon was one hundred percent committed to her and their child, or Emily wasn't sure if she really could handle being with him.

"What do you want for dinner?" Melissa asks, pulling Emily out of her thoughts.

"Well, this baby wants pumpkin pie, that much I can tell you."

"You're craving pumpkin pie?" Melissa asks.

"Yes, ma'am," Emily says waltzing into the kitchen, "And green olives," she adds, pulling a jar out of the refrigerator.

"Ha. When I was pregnant with Junior," Melissa laughs, "I think I ate like 12 pounds of chocolate chips. And not the sweet ones either. I ate the bitter ones that you use for baking. Oh my god, I can't even look at a chocolate chip cookie now without wanting to puke."

Emily laughed at her aunt's disgust, thinking of how much Junior still loved chocolate chip cookies. Junior, Melissa's son, was a few years older than Emily. They had grown up together in Fresno where Emily had lived most of her life, and where Junior still resided with his father and brother, Max. As far as Emily knew Melissa hadn't seen either of her sons since the divorce was finalized. They had taken their father's side in the matter and it had torn Melissa to pieces. Maybe that was part of the reason Melissa was so eager to help Emily's cause. Emily had always been like a daughter to her and with her own kids not speaking to her, doting on someone else's child would be a welcome distraction.

"I suppose I could run out to the market and get some pie for you and little Freddie. In fact I have a few things to get for the party next week anyway. What does Damon like? I'll get him some snacks or something."

"He practically lives on Red Bull and potato chips," Emily replies.

"Sounds like a teenage boy," Melissa says nodding, her curly, brown bob bouncing. "I'll be back in an hour or so. Sit down with your olives and rest a little okay, Em?"

"Okay," she says, grateful someone cared about her well being.

Melissa walked out the door and her car left the driveway. Emily sat down changing the channel to an old rerun of _Charmed_, one of her favorite shows from when she was younger. Halfway through the second episode Emily started to wonder where Melissa had gotten to. It had been much more than an hour since she left. The thought didn't stick around because Emily suddenly realized she was not the only one in the living room.

"Hey, how'd you sleep?" she asks him.

"Really well," Damon replied. "That ride was not kind to me."

"I'm sorry. Are you hungry? Melissa went to the grocery store a while ago, she should be home soon."

"Sounds good, but I could really use a Red Bull right now," he says rubbing his eyes.

Emily smiles slightly, "I told her to get you some."

"You know me so well," he smiles and sits down next to her. "How's… the baby?" he hesitates, pointing to her stomach that was protruding more than it should have been at four months along.

"Good! He's a big kid, but he's strong too. You can touch me you know."

Damon suddenly realized his hand was floating in midair indecisively. Immediately he dropped it into his lap, and looked up at the television.

"Charmed, huh? It's your favorite."

"Yeah, it is. When I was little I used to pretend I was Piper. She was always the best Halliwell sister; she always had a good head on her shoulders."

"I always had the hots for Phoebe."

Emily laughed, but in reality Damon's confession worried her. Is that the kind of girl Damon wants? A Phoebe Halliwell: flighty, energetic, and a bit of a ditz.

_Someone like Kaylie, _Emily thought, and then immediately regretted thinking it. Damon was here with her, why couldn't she just accept that and move on?

"Damon," Emily began, but was cut off by the sound of the front door opening.

Melissa walked through the door carrying three bags of groceries, which Damon got up quickly to help her with.

"Thank you dear," Melissa said as he took the bags from her. "Your Red Bull is in that one."

A smile crept across Emily's face as she watched Damon open a can of Red Bull and down it like it contained his life force. Some things never change.

"Sweetheart, here's your pie," Melissa said walking into the room. Damon snorts as she hands Emily the entire pie and a fork. But Emily could care less as she dives right into the creamy pie filling that reminds her of Thanksgivings past.

"So if you're Piper," Damon said, sitting back down, "Who are the others?"

"Well, Payson is definitely Prue. She's controlling, driven, and definitely older sibling material. Then there's Lauren, she's sassy enough to be Paige."

"And Phoebe?" he asks.

"Well, you have the hots for her, so I'd prefer not to turn her into a real live person. I don't need any competition," Emily said lightheartedly, but inside it was taking everything she had not to lose it then and there.

As if he was reading her thoughts Damon lowers his voice and says very assuredly, "You don't have any competition, Em, I promise." Then he does something that takes Emily's breath away: he placed his hand on her stomach.

Flushed, Emily reached up and placed her hand on the side of Damon's face.

"Thank you," she said, and he nodded in response.

"So," Melissa said walking back in from the kitchen, "What do you two crazy kids want for dinner?"

"Whatever you want is great Aunt Melissa," Emily said, in the first truly chipper mood since she had arrived in Las Vegas.

"Spaghetti and meatballs it is then!" she said, and scurried back into the kitchen.

"She's great," Damon said. "I can see why you decided to come here."

"Yeah, she's always been a good mother. I thought I had better learn from the best."

"Have you talked to your mom since you have been here?"

"No."

"Emily."

"What?"

"Have you talked to anyone back in Boulder since you left?"

"Sasha called once. He tried to convince me to come back and train, that I was throwing away all my hard work and my dreams."

"Are you?"

"I suppose I am," Emily said shifting her attention back to the TV in the hopes that Damon will let the subject go. But, then she decides she would rather not let it go, "And you know what, I'm relieved. There are two lives that I've been trying to live for so long, and now I don't have to choose between them anymore. I have this perfect little thing growing inside of me and I have you by my side. I'm actually a little thankful."

"So you don't regret anything?"

"No, I don't. I can't."

KAYLIE

Sitting in the recording studio Kaylie can't help but feel despondent. Being in this room wasn't the same without his brooding, oddly optimistic form bent over the soundboard, or scribbling furiously in a notebook. She kept turning to the door at the slightest noise, thinking it might be him walking in with the spark of a new idea in his eyes. Damon. Kaylie sighed. She had let him go, had apologized to Emily, told them both that they should be together, so why couldn't she get him out of her head?

Damon had done so much for her since Maeve's death. He had gotten her back on track since coming out of rehab, helped her learn to share her feelings through music and writing, and kept her anorexia under control by simply being there for her. Now that he had gone to Las Vegas to be with Emily, Kaylie couldn't help but wonder if telling Damon to go had been detrimental to her own health. Damon had resisted at first, not wanting to leave the partnership the two of them had built together. Damon and Kaylie had recorded a song together, and his record company decided that they didn't want Damon's voice on an album if they couldn't have Kaylie's on it too.

The two of them had had a good thing going, but Damon gave it up to be with Emily, and Kaylie knew she should be happy for them. But, here she sits in her mother's recording studio, a notebook in her lap, the pages all blank, and writer's block consuming her every attempt at putting something down on the page. What was wrong with her? Does her writing talent only exist with Damon around to coach it? No. She wouldn't let that be true. She was talented on her own. She could do this.

Just as she is getting ready to really dig deep there is a knock at the door. Kaylie silently chides herself as relief floods through her.

"Come in."

The door opens to reveal the smiling face of Payson Keeler holding a saran-wrapped basket of what looked like protein bars and energy drinks.

"Hey!" she says, chipper as ever. "My mom packed this basket up for you as kind of a welcome back to The Rock."

Kaylie accepts the basket with a smile, "Thanks Pay, and tell your Mom thanks too."

"I will."

"So what's new with you?"

"Not much. Gymnastics, physical therapy, sleep, repeat. You know me."

"How's the gym been without Emily?"

"It's been an adjustment. I'm so used to seeing her every day, chalking her hands or on the floor. It's like a piece of my life has gone missing."

"I bet Lauren is glad to finally see her gone."

"Kaylie, you know Lauren thought of Emily as a part of our family too, even if they had their differences. So when are you coming back? Do you know absolutely for sure?"

"Three days and I'm back on the uneven bars!" Kaylie says, and then is overwhelmed by the feeling of dread that washes over her. Three days and then she's back to a regimen of back flips and shin splints. In all honesty, did she even want to go back to the life she had before? It was full of pressure, competition, and pain that Kaylie didn't really think she could handle again, not after everything she'd already been through. Silently she wishes Damon was here so she could ask him his opinion.

"That's great, Kaylie! I can't wait to see you back out there. You are going to be fantastic, I just know it."

"Thanks Pay. I really hope so. In the mean time, catch me up on the latest Rock gossip so I'm prepared when I get there."

"Did you know that Summer left Lauren's dad again?"

"No! When did that happen?"

"A few weeks ago I guess. She and Sasha eloped!"  
"What?! How very un-Summer of her!"

"I know. I think everyone was really surprised, especially Lauren, but Summer is really happy, so I think that's helping her get through it."

"I'm so happy for them. They seem to really love each other."

"I think so. Other than that, there isn't much to say. Olympic trials are coming up so everyone has been pretty into their work. Speaking of work, I'm going to have to get going pretty quick, so many double Arabians to land, so little time."

"Get out of here then," Kaylie waves her friend out. "Thanks again to Momma Keeler!"

"See you soon Kaylie!"

"Bye Pay."

The minute the door closes behind Payson, Kaylie breathes a sigh of relief. For some reason talking to Payson or Lauren just wasn't the same anymore, not after everything she had done. Even though they had both been extremely supportive, gymnastics had made her feel so much hurt and she didn't know if she could stand that feeling again.

Kaylie pulls her phone out of the waistband of her yoga pants and scrolls through her contacts. There he is: DAMON YOUNG. Her finger hesitates over the phone number, but she pushes it, hoping she isn't making a huge mistake.

The phone rings a few times and then to her surprise Damon picks up.

"Kaylie?" he says, his voice sounding groggy.

"Hi there, were you asleep?"

"Uh, yeah, I had a long ride over. What's up?"

Considering she hadn't spoken to Damon in at least three weeks she wasn't sure where to start, "I have writer's block."

"Seriously? Is life not eventful enough for you back in Boulder?"

She smiles, "No that's not it. I just feel so disconnected from myself. I was hoping you could shed some light on the subject."

"Would this have anything to do with the headlines I read online today? You know, 'National Champ Kaylie Cruz Returning to Gymnastics Just in Time for London'."

She pauses, not sure if she should tell him everything. Damon was not her psychiatrist, and he wasn't her boyfriend either, so should she really be burdening him with this?

Kaylie sighs, "Damon, I'm scared. I don't know if I can do it again, or even if I want to. I just can't picture myself back in my old life after everything that has happened. The time I spent at the Rock seems like such… a distant memory."

Damon doesn't speak right away but then says, "Kaylie, you are one of the most resilient people I know. You and Emily have that in common. Something knocks you down, and you just get right back up and run with whatever is being thrown at you. If you don't want to do gymnastics anymore, then don't. You have other talents, and you can do anything you set your mind to. But, if the only reason you aren't going back to the Rock is because you're afraid, then screw that. Screw fear. You are stronger than that. As for the writer's block, you just described the premise for a pretty good song earlier. Just write your feelings down. It will come together from there."

As Damon spoke Kaylie could feel herself relaxing. It's like he had some calming effect on her, like he knew exactly what to say to keep her moving and motivated.

"Thank you Damon."

"For what?"

"For saying all those amazing things, I needed that."

"Anytime Cruz, you know that."

"So, how are things there? How is Emily?"

"Uh, things are good, Emily is good. Her belly is a lot bigger than I thought it would be. It grew in the last month considerably, but she seems to be doing extremely well."

"She doesn't regret leaving?"

"Not that I can tell. She seems pretty happy."

Kaylie wasn't sure what was going through Damon's mind at that point in time, but his tone was not the happy tone of a soon to be father. He sounded tired, like the weight of two worlds rested on his shoulders and he needed to decide which world deserved to carry on, and which he would drop into oblivion.

"Are you happy, Damon?"

He pauses, "I'm getting there."

An awkward silence ensues.

"Kaylie?"

She loves the way he says her name.

"Yes, Damon?"

"Don't stop writing okay? You're good at it. It's good for you."

"I won't."

"Let's make an album together someday."

"Okay, let me know when, I'll be there."

"Goodbye, Kaylie."

"Bye, Damon."

She knew that would be the last she heard from him for a long time. He was trying to make things with Emily work. He loved her, and she was taking priority in his life now. Kaylie tried very hard to be okay with it in that moment, but she couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. She couldn't stop the loneliness from welling up inside.


	2. Chapter 2

EMILY

"Damon, where did you put my Led Zeppelin shirt after you did the laundry?" Emily yelled, scrambling around their bedroom that seemed to be getting smaller and smaller every day.

"I was supposed to do the laundry?" Damon asks walking into the room holding a cereal bowl, his mouth stuffed with Cocoa Puffs.

Emily sighs, "Yes, I definitely asked you to do the laundry two days ago before I went to cover Melissa's shift at the diner. When I came home you said you had done it, but I guess the BMX racing on TV was a little too distracting for you to answer me honestly."

"I'm sorry, babe. I'll do it today, I promise."

"Fine," Emily says throwing a different shirt on and stomping out of the room.

"Emily," Damon says following her out, "Don't be passive aggressive please. I'm sorry!"

"I get it, and thank you for apologizing, but I have a job to think about, school to attend, and an oversized mid-section that gets in my way at every turn. A little bit of help in the cleaning and laundry department would be helpful."

"I said I was sorry, and I'll do it today! What more do you want from me?"

"Nothing, Damon. I have to go to work. Just do the laundry and don't set anything on fire."

"I'm not four years old, I can handle it," Damon says, and Emily can hear the animosity in his voice. Shaking off the hurt, Emily grabs her car keys and kisses Damon on the cheek before walking out the door to her car.

She couldn't help but feel sad that she had left the house angry at him, but it seemed to be becoming more and more common. Everyday Damon seemed to be getting farther and farther away from her, and she didn't understand why. He was forgetful and cold, and did not really seem to care much about Emily's well being. Emily couldn't understand what she had done to deserve such treatment, but it was beginning to wear her down.

In the five months Damon had been in Las Vegas with Emily her stomach had grown considerably. She was now as big at 8 months as she should be at full term, and she was dreading the delivery. There were times when she thought back to training at the Rock, and the fact that right now she could be doing just that. But instead she had opted for family life, and she had to stick by that decision no matter what life threw at her.

Damon, for some reason, had not gone to Los Angeles to record his album like Emily assumed he would. He told her that he would rather stay here with her, to help her out, but as he became more restless, the less his story seemed truthful. What was the real reason he wouldn't go record music, and why did Emily have the sinking suspicion it had something to do with Kaylie Cruz? She had heard him talking on the phone with her a few times, happy and carefree. More happy then he ever sounded while talking to Emily. It wasn't fair.

Emily opened the door to Melissa's 2011 Kia Soul and got inside, doing her best to push thoughts of Kaylie and days gone by out of her head. She put the car in gear and headed aimlessly down the street to work. In order to help her earn a little money of her own Melissa had allowed Emily to take the few shifts she works at the diner. Emily had accepted gratefully after being cooped up inside the house for so long. But suddenly she didn't like the idea of Damon being in the house by himself. What if he called Kaylie? She hated leaving the house mad at him. Quickly she turned the car around heading back the way she came, and then realized how silly she was being and turned around again. Damon could call Kaylie if he wanted to. There was one thing Kaylie didn't have that Emily did, and that was enough reason for Damon to see this thing through, Emily knew that.

She got to the diner and punched in, willing the hours to pass faster than usual so she could get back home. Her feet were swollen, and she wasn't even entirely sure she should be lifting heavy plates, much less be standing at all. What she really wanted to do was lay down and sleep for thirteen hours. Her enormous belly had been making it impossible to sleep for more than a few hours at a time each night, and she was exhausted. But, money was another important part of making this new life work, so she plastered a smile onto her face and went to greet her first customers of the day. Thankfully that first customer also happened to be her favorite one.  
"Hey Billy," she said, "What can I get you this morning?"

"Emily! Sweetheart, are you still working? You should be lying in bed somewhere with people waiting on you hand and foot until this little one finally decides to make an appearance!" Billy replied, gesturing to her stomach.

"Unfortunately lying in bed doesn't pay the bills, Billy."

"Well, that man of yours should be the one out earning the bacon, not you."

"Billy…"

"Hey, I've got a right, as a man, to be at least a little disappointed in Damon's effort. It ain't right for a woman, and a pregnant one at that, to be focusing on anything but being healthy. That's how I was raised, and I'm standing by it."

Emily smiled, "Well, now that we've exchanged philosophies on life, are you going to tell me what you want for breakfast?"

Billy laughed a big belly laugh that was nothing short of contagious before saying, "I will take my usual darling, and a pot of coffee, black as night."

"Coming right up, Billy."

"Thanks sweetheart," Billy smiled and then went back to reading the sports section of the newspaper.

Emily didn't know what to think. Was Billy right? Emily had been happy that Damon had just decided to come to Vegas and be with her. Had she settled for less than she deserved? Time ticked by slower than ever that day, and Emily thought about smashing the clock more than a few times just out of spite. When five o' clock finally rolled around Emily thought she might burst. Walking out the door felt so liberating that she almost jumped for joy, but then thought better of it, and simply walked to the car at a seemingly faster pace than normal.

Driving home, Emily felt like the drive would never end. She couldn't wait to apologize to Damon for this morning, and lay down. She pulled into the driveway and immediately knew something was wrong. The motorcycle Melissa had given Damon was missing from the driveway, and he never had anywhere to go. She got out of the car, forgetting to take the keys out of the admission. She swung the front door open with fervor and entered the house yelling for Damon. When there was no reply, she knew something was amiss. But when she entered the bedroom the last thing she expected to find was laying there on the bed, folded in fours, her name scrawled across it in the chicken-scratch she had come to recognize as Damon's handwriting.

Emily's heart thumped as she unfolded the paper, and was pretty sure it stopped as she read it:

_Emily, _

_I don't exactly know what to say other than I'm sorry. This isn't fair to anyone, not to you, not to the baby, but even so, I have to leave. I have to find out what is left of life out there for me, and I hope you do the same. I loved you once Ems and I will always love our child, but I feel so trapped… I just need some time. I hope you understand, and I will also understand if you don't ever want to hear from me again. Just know I'll keep you in my mind as that stubborn, skinny, brunette I met at that party three years ago, and I will never ever forget her. Be strong Ems._

_ All my heart, _

_Damon Young_

Emily couldn't move, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Damon was gone. Damon was _gone_. The weight of it fell on her like a ton of bricks. She could feel her life falling to pieces all around her and she had no idea how to even try to fix it. She thought back on every time Damon kissed her, told her he loved her, touched her stomach or talked to their child. Was it all a lie? These last long months just one big façade, while Damon slowly suffered every day.

Only one thing could have jolted her back to the present at a moment like that: a wave of pain washing over her, and water suddenly splashing all over her feet. Emily screamed, panicking, wondering if someone had cursed her and was laughing at her pain somewhere far away. Her water had broken, and as she felt the wave of her first contractions coming on she knew this baby was not going to wait for anyone, not her, and definitely not Damon. Quickly she pulled her cell phone out of her purse and dialed 911.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Um, I'm going into labor, and I'm alone, and I'm not really sure what to do about it," Emily replied frantically.

"Okay ma'am, what is your location?"

Emily rattled off Melissa's address, and the woman told her that an ambulance was on its way. The next thirty minutes passed for Emily, in a strange blur. Everything seemed like it was moving in slow-motion and at triple speed all at once. The ambulance ride, EMT's telling her to breathe through the pain, arriving at the hospital, hearing Melissa's shrieks of joy at seeing her in one piece, and then firing off questions about Damon. When Emily told her what had happened she thought Melissa was going to explode.

"What do you mean he left?"

Emily handed her the note Damon had written her, which she had clung to the entire ride over. As Melissa read, her face turned from angry to sad in just a few seconds.

Tossing the note aside she grabbed Emily's hand, "It's his loss Emily. Right now you just need to focus on having this beautiful baby. You and it will be fine. I will take care of you, okay? You will be okay Emily."

Emily shook her head back and forth, back and forth. She didn't think anything would ever be okay ever again. She had repeated every mistake her mother had made that she swore she wouldn't make too. Her life, and her child's life were going to be so hard from here on out, how could she keep it? How could she subject this baby to the same life she had lived?

"Adoption," Emily croaked.

"What?" Melissa asked.

"I want to put it up for adoption."

"Emily, no you don't! I can take care of both of you, get you on your feet-"

"NO!" Emily cried, tears pouring down her face, "I can't subject this child to the same life I had- AH!" The pain Emily had been feeling intensified, and she found it too hard to speak.

"It's time," the nurse said.

"Emily, you have to push now," Melissa said, grabbing her hand.

Emily nodded.

"On my count," the doctor said. "One…Two… Three."

Emily pushed and as the pain ripped through her body she screamed out all the hate, anger, and sadness that Damon had instilled in her. Today was not the first time he had hurt her. She screamed for the look he gave her on the first night they met, for the time he left for Europe without saying goodbye, for saying all the wonderful things he said to her and then kissing Kaylie Cruz. She hated him for giving her hope for a better life, and then taking it away. So she pushed and screamed and gripped Melissa's hand so tightly it turned purple.

And then there was a cry, one shrill cry that rose above everything else, and all the hate in Emily's heart dissolved to love. A love for this one human being that Emily never thought she could feel. A mother's love.

"It's a boy," she hears Melissa say.

"Is he okay?" Emily asked, "He's so early."

"Looks healthy enough, but we'll keep him for observation," the doctor says.

Emily breathed a sigh of relief, until another round of pain shoots through her,"AH!"

"Emily, what's wrong?"Melissa asked.

"Pain," Emily manages to gasp.

"Doctor," the nurse says, "There's another one coming!"

"What?" Melissa shrieks, "Another baby?"

"Push Emily," the doctor says. "Push!"

So once again, every muscle in her body tensed and Emily pushed, and pushed. But this time, there was no cry. The doctors rushed the baby over to the table on the opposite side of the room shouting something about its lungs.

"Aunt Melissa, what's going on?" Emily asked, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"I don't know sweetie, just hang on."

So she did. She held on to Aunt Melissa and the idea of a new, good life for her and her children, her twins. And then she heard it: a cry to join its brother's and she breathed the biggest sigh of relief she had ever breathed.

"Is it okay?" she asked the doctor.

"_He_ is fine," the nurse said handing the baby to Emily.

"He is so beautiful," Melissa says.

Emily couldn't agree more. In fact she had never seen anything more beautiful in her life.

"And here is your other little one," the nurse says handing Emily the older of her two sons.

Emily shakes her head in disbelief, "How is this possible?"

"Well," the doctor begins, "It appears that the little one was hiding behind the other. It's rare but sometimes a twin can evade the ultrasound. He would have to have been positioned perfectly behind the other."

"You were hiding, huh?" Emily cooed to the baby in her left arm.

"Do you have names?" Melissa asked.

"Oh god, I thought I had more time. Um, I always liked the name Tyler, how about Tyler Beloff Kmetko, after Sasha."

"For which one of them?"

"The older one, the younger should be… Liam. Liam Brian Kmetko, my beautiful, sneaky little boy," Emily caresses her younger son's smooth cheek.

"Perfect. So about the adoption-"

"A moment of weakness, Aunt Melissa, these boys are not going anywhere unless they go with me."

KAYLIE

"Kaylie! Kaylie, over here! Kaylie!"

Kaylie Cruz did her best to smile for the cameras and not blink too much, but it was close to impossible with the hundreds of paparazzi fighting to take her picture. This had become her life for the last few months, ever since taking gold in London. She couldn't pretend that it wasn't nice to feel so important, but the attention was beginning to wear on her. She looked to her left, and then to her right, and was comforted by the fact that she was not alone in the feeling.

"Let's go in already," Lauren whines. "I'm so sick of smiling."

"I never dreamed I'd see the day when Lauren Tanner didn't want to be the center of attention," Payson laughs.

"Come on. Lauren's right, my face hurts. Let's go inside," Jordan says.

"I can't believe we got invited to the American Music Awards!" Lauren squeals.

"Well, we are the fierce five!" Payson says. "Well, four tonight."

"Where is Melanie?"

"She couldn't come. Said she had plans," Lauren replied.

"Who has plans when they could be on the red carpet a few steps away from- Oh my god that's Taylor Swift!" Payson screams a little too loudly.

"Okay, let's go," Kaylie says, steering her star-struck friend toward the door of the Staples Center.

"You need to get over this star-crazed stuff, Pay. You're one of them now. We all are."

"I am not!" Payson protests.

"Pay," Lauren says, "You don't win the all around gold medal at the Olympics and not get a ton of attention. It doesn't happen. You are famous, we all are!"

They all shrieked in excitement at the idea in the least composed way possible, drawing all kinds of confused looks from people around them. As they walked into the Staples Center, Kaylie couldn't help feeling that a piece of their puzzle was missing. She had found an old friend in Jordan Randall, but almost a year ago she, Payson, and Lauren had all lost Emily and things between them hadn't been quite the same.

"I miss her too," Lauren whispers in Kaylie's ear, squeezing her hand.

"Let's go sit down," she replies.

"But- oh my dear god is that Adam Levine?"

"Lauren! Come on!" the girls yelled at their blonde friend.

"But I'm his soul mate!" she moans.

"Okay Kaylie is right, Lo," Payson says. "You really need to get a hold on yourself. We have to introduce a performance tonight!"

"Alright, I'm getting a grip," Lauren assures them.

They take their seats, third row, front and center. Kaylie cannot believe that all the work she had put in at the Rock had finally paid off. She and her three best friends were sitting in between Carrie Underwood and Sara Bareilles at the American Music Awards where they had been invited to introduce PINK's performance. It was unreal.

"I love your dress," Carrie says to Jordan.

"Thank you so much! I love yours too! And can I just say what a huge fan I am? I used to work out to 'Before He Cheats' all the time!"

"Seriously, that is one of the greatest things I have ever heard."

"It's got a great drive for the vault."

"That's what you took gold in right?"

Jordan nods.

"I watched you girls the entire competition, and I was rooting for each and every one of you. You represented America in such a bright, positive way. I think you are all so poised and amazing for being so young."

"Thank you so much!" Kaylie says, as all the other girls also murmur their thanks.

Everything seemed so bizarre in this world of glitz and glamour. Inside, Kaylie wasn't sure how she felt about it. As the lights dimmed her heart began to pound and she was vaguely reminded of a dim stage she once shared with a boy, a time when she was the performer, not the gymnast. Kaylie smiled at the thought. Lauren and Jordan clutched Kaylie's hands as the first performance began. Throughout the entire show Kaylie was mesmerized by the music, the speeches and the passion. When it was her turn to get up on the stage, her teammates by her side, she was more than ready to have her piece of the spotlight.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer began, "Here to introduce the next performer are four members of the United States Olympic Gymnastics Team. Please welcome your Olympic gold medalists, Payson Keeler, Kaylie Cruz, Jordan Randall, and Lauren Tanner."

The applause was deafening as the four of them walked out onto the stage hand in hand. Lauren was grinning from ear to ear, while Jordan and Payson looked around in disbelief, this was actually happening.

"Thank you," Payson says beginning to read from the teleprompter. "We are so honored to have represented the United States this year in London." There is a roar of applause. The girls all nod in agreement.

Lauren continues, "Yes, and we are just as honored to be presenting this next artist who, in my opinion, would make a pretty good gymnast herself."

"She flies around the room like a pro, and also has really, really great abs," Kaylie adds. "I wish I had abs like that. They are crazy defined, like a statue or something. It's nuts!"

"Anyway," Jordan interrupts, feigning annoyance, "Please welcome to the stage, the amazing, high-flying, death defying-"

"P!NK!" the girls all yell in unison.

The lights go dark and the curtain is raised on the stage opposite the girls. They look on in awe as P!NK descends from the ceiling, sliding down two pieces of silky black fabric, and begins a modified version of her song "Sober".

Kaylie was so wrapped up in watching the show that it took Lauren tapping her on the shoulder and saying, "Look at the guitarist," for her to notice him. She couldn't believe she almost missed him. How could she? What was he doing here, playing guitar for P!NK? Were Emily and the baby here with him? Kaylie had so many questions for him.

"How do I get to that stage?" she asks a security guard standing nearby.

"There are a series of tunnels that lead there," he yells over the loud music and cheers of fans.

"I can take you over there if you like."

One perk of being an Olympic athlete is that people generally don't question you. It's like being in the military. People see you as some kind of symbol of America, and who would question that?

"Take me please."

"Kaylie, where are you going?" Payson asks.

"I'll meet you guys back in the seats okay? There's something I need to do."

With that Kaylie turns away and follows the guard down the hallway and through a series of tunnels until she is watching P!NK from the wings, watching Damon from the wings of the stage he is performing on. She didn't see Emily anywhere, but that didn't mean anything. Such a newly born baby would need to stay home, and if Emily was the only one to do it then that explained that. But Kaylie couldn't help feeling like fate was on her side. Of all the places to see Damon again, she saw him here where all her dreams seemed to be coming together, making her ready to dream new dreams. She could finally tell Damon that the only dream she had really had for so long was to sing again, more specifically to sing with him.

As the last chord of the song rings through the auditorium Kaylie's breath catches. This is finally it. She looks down at her light blue silk dress, brushing down the fabric nervously. Damon walks off the stage as P!NK takes her bows. As he passes Kaylie she almost loses her nerve.

At the very last second she yells after him, "Damon, Damon Young!"

He stops dead in his tracks and turns quickly. His eyes light up as he catches sight of Kaylie, like he can't quite believe what he's seeing.

"Kaylie!" he yells back as he runs over to her.

Grabbing her with the arm that isn't holding a guitar her picks her up and swings her around. Kaylie laughs loudly, half in surprise the other half in pleasure.

"I cannot believe you are here!" she yells. "You work for P!NK!"

"Yes! The last few months have been absolutely amazing! I got this great job, and I've been traveling all over the place on tour. It's been a whirlwind! And now you're here and- I'm just so happy!"

Damon hugs Kaylie again, tighter this time.

"I'm happy to see you too, and all of that sounds so amazing!"

"It really has been."

"What about Emily? How is she? How's the baby?"

Damon's smile fades quickly.

"Damon, what is it?"

"Uh, Emily left me."

"What?"

"We shared an apartment in Vegas that her aunt paid for us to live in. One day I came home and all of her things were gone, with no explanation. I went to her aunt's house to ask what had happened, but she wouldn't talk to me. I haven't heard from Emily since. Not long after that my agent came through and got me this job so I had to leave."

Kaylie couldn't believe what she was hearing. This didn't sound anything like Emily. She cared about people with a fierce kind of love and protection that Kaylie had never really seen in anyone else. How could she have done this to Damon after all they had been through?

"Damon, I'm so sorry. Did she even let you know about the baby?"

Damon shakes his head, "But it's better that way. It's a clean break for me, and I can finally pursue the life that I've always wanted. I'm not a family man. I'm too… restless. But, enough about that, let me go put my guitar away, and then we can talk. I want to know everything you've been doing since I last heard from you."

Kaylie smiles, but as Damon walks away she can feel it fade. She didn't' see any of this coming. He and Emily were not together. Suddenly she didn't trust herself around him. She told herself she was just being paranoid. Damon had just had his heart broken by the mother of his child, and he wasn't interested in anything other than catching up with an old friend. But, Kaylie couldn't help but remember the look on his face when he had first laid eyes on her again. They were wide, happy, excited even, like he was exceptionally glad to see her. Kaylie couldn't help take solace in those eyes, and hope that there might be a future in them.

DAMON

"So we finally all got to London after like three days of flights being cancelled and rerouted. Payson was frantic. We honestly thought we were never going to make it," Kaylie says, finishing her story of the girls' trip the Olympics in London.

Damon laughs, "That sounds like Payson. So you guys got there just in time, barely any down time, and you all medaled?"

Kaylie nods, "It's really a miracle. But, we lived in the moment. Coach really emphasized how nothing else mattered at that point except a focused mind and the apparatus in front of us. It was good advice."

"Clearly," Damon replies. "So you medaled in what exactly?"

"I took gold on the uneven bars and bronze in the vault."

"And everyone else, what did they medal in?"

"Payson took the all-around gold, and silver on floor, Lauren took the gold on beam and the all-around bronze, and Jordan took the gold on the vault."

"That is pretty incredible."

Kaylie smiles, "Yeah, although if Emily still would have been on the team, I think she would have given me a run for my money on the uneven bars. She was always incredible."

"She's going to be as good of a mother as she was a gymnast, if not even better," Damon says, and he means it.

"I still can't believe Emily wouldn't let you see your own kid. It just seems so unlike her."

"Yeah, well, Emily has changed a lot," Damon says and immediately regrets saying it.

He didn't want to lie to Kaylie. In fact she was the last person he probably had to lie to, but the lies just kept coming. Was this guilt? After all this time had seeing Kaylie dug up the feelings Damon swore he had buried? You left. You deserted your own child. Damon pushed his thoughts as far down inside as he possibly could, and focused on the moment just like Kaylie's coach told her to. Kaylie was here with him, and he could finally tell her the thing he'd been meaning to since the first time he'd seen her sitting in her mother's studio.

"Kaylie, I don't want to talk about Emily anymore," he says grabbing her hand.

They had found an empty dressing room backstage to sit and talk in, and Damon was suddenly aware of how alone they truly were. No one would come looking for them behind an unmarked door. They could stay here forever, hiding away from the world.

"Okay, then what do you want to talk about?" Kaylie asks.

"Us," Damon replies truthfully.

"Us? What about us?"

"I missed you, you know."

"I missed you too."

"My record company flat out refused to take me without you. Did you know that?"

"Damon I'm so sorry. If I would have known-"

"It isn't your fault. They were looking for a certain sound, and I wasn't it, but tell me this, are you done with gymnastics now?"

"What?"

"Are you going to train for Rio? Have you decided yet?"

"Well, no, I mean London just happened so we haven't been in training as much, but I don't think any of us have really given it much thought."

"Look Kaylie, I love playing for a living, and these last few months have been a blast. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life playing back up, you know?"

"And you shouldn't either; you have way too much talent."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't think I can do it on my own. I need your help."

"Whatever I can do for you, you know I'll do it. If you need studio space or a good ear—"

"That's not quite what I meant. Kaylie I want you to sing with me, for us to be a duo. I think we might have a real shot at something incredible together."

"I had no idea that you wanted that."

"Are you kidding?" Damon says trying to sound as sincere as he felt inside. "Kaylie there's been some kind of empty space inside of me since we stopped making music. Even if the producers at my company would have wanted me, I don't think I would have gone to L.A. without you. Nothing has seemed right since I left Boulder. I've been so confused and lost, even after getting this job."

Damon sighs, hoping what he says next won't scare her away, "The truth is Kaylie, nothing has made sense in really long time, but the minute I laid eyes on you tonight it felt like reality slapped me in the face and brought me back to what is true and important. You give me a reason to go on. And no one, not even Emily, has ever done that for me."

She says nothing for a very long time, and he's afraid that he has scared her. But then she starts to move closer to him, leaning her head toward his, and Damon's heart skips. When their lips meet for only the second time ever, Damon knows that everything he just told her is true. He needs her to stay grounded. The rest of the time it feels like he is living in a haze of right and wrong, never quite able to make the distinction, never able to hold onto what it is he really wants for himself. Kaylie makes all of that perfectly clear. They pull apart and Kaylie breathes the word 'yes' into Damon's neck as she clings to him.

"Yes, what?" he asks her.

YES," she kisses him again, this time without hesitating. This kiss is full of joy and happiness for the future, and Damon wraps his arms around Kaylie, never wanting to let her go. Suddenly the door opens.

"Well, well, well," a snide voice says. "Pay, Jordan, I found her. And she is not alone."

"Lauren, what are you doing here?" Kaylie asks.

"You kind of disappeared. We were worried about you so I asked around, it wasn't hard to find out where you went. You are an Olympic gold medalist you know, people notice you. Plus I figured you would be with Damon. I pointed him out and you bolted."

Damon raises his eyebrows, Kaylie blushes.

"Kaylie, what the hell," Jordan says rounding the corner and taking in the sight of her and Damon.

"Oh dear god, Kaylie," Payson says. "Did you have to do this here? We had no idea where you went! Hello Damon."

Surprised that Payson even cared who he was, much less that she would take the time to acknowledge his presence Damon mumbles a quiet hello.

"Come on Kaylie," Payson continues, "Carrie Underwood invited us to an after party and we are obligated to show. You can smooch other people's boyfriends later."

"Uh, I'm no one else's boyfriend, so let's not accuse anyone of anything," Damon says defensively, even though there's no way they could know that he and Emily weren't together anymore.

"What do you mean you're no one else's boyfriend? What about Emily? You left her? She is the mother of your child!" Lauren starts to raise her voice.

"Lo, calm down! He didn't leave anyone," Kaylie defends him. "Emily left him."

"What do you mean Emily left him? She wouldn't do that."

"Well she did," Kaylie replies.

Damon sat there just thankful that he didn't have to lie again, not that it felt any better having Kaylie do it for him, even if she didn't know what she was doing. Lauren still doesn't look convinced, and Payson simply looks shocked. Damon doesn't blame either of them. Emily is not someone who would walk out on anyone she cares about, that's Damon's M.O. But it was the story he came up with, and he was going to have to stick to it.

"God, Kaylie this is so like you, stealing everyone's boyfriend -"

"Me? Oh my god Lauren, get a grip please. Should we talk about Carter, or how about Austin, or Max? I don't think you have any authority to speak on the subject."

Lauren looks dejected, but says nothing. This was a first as far as Damon knew.

"Look I know you guys have decided to pick this moment to dig up the past and scream at one another," Jordan interjects, "But we are at an A-List event and have just been invited to an after party by the winner of season four of American Idol. Now, are you seriously going to sit here being petty?"

No one replies.

"Well I'm not going to be a part of this," Jordan says, and walks out of the room.

"I like her," Damon says. Kaylie smiles, and squeezes his hand.

"Come on Kaylie. We need to go," Payson says. Damon watches Kaylie carefully in this moment. She looks so impossibly torn between her life as it is now and the future she could have with him. He places a hand on her shoulder hoping it will assure her that whatever she chooses in that moment won't make him care for her any less.

Kaylie takes a deep breath and says, "I'm not going. Damon and I have some unfinished business to attend to. I wouldn't wait around. I'm going to be gone for a while."

And with that Kaylie grabs Damon's hand and leads him from the room and out of the Staples Center into downtown Los Angeles. Damon didn't think he would ever forget the shocked look on Lauren and Payson's faces as they left the room, but Kaylie didn't seem to be thinking about it at all.

"Where to?" he asks. "I'm good with wherever, but you're going to be there right?"

He smiles and intertwines his fingers with hers, "Count on it."


	3. Chapter 3

EMILY

"Liam!" Emily yells from the bottom of the stairs, "Could you please put the drumsticks away for a while? I am getting a migraine."

Emily rubs her head and thanks God when the constant booming that had been emanating from upstairs for over an hour finally ceases. She immediately reminds herself that it was her who bought the drum set for Liam, and that she knew at the time she would regret it. But, it was worth it to see the ecstatic look on her son's face when he opened his eyes the morning of his twelfth birthday. In all honesty Emily had been surprised when he'd said he wanted drums, but she shouldn't have been. Music had always been the one thing Liam completely understood, and now if he found some people, he'd have enough instruments to form a full scale garage band. He already owned guitars, amplifiers, and a keyboard, all of which he had bought himself by saving birthday and Christmas money. The drums were the icing on his rock and roll cake.

She hears footsteps coming down the stairs. Around the corner comes her floppy haired "younger" son, who plops down on the couch next to her and says, "Can I go to Al's?"

"Now?"

"There's a new guitar that came in, and I want to try it out before it goes up in the window."

"I don't have time to take you right now sweetie; your Aunt Melissa will be here any minute to watch you and your brother. I have a mandatory rehearsal before tonight's performance, so I have to go early."

Liam nods, ever the introspective child. He had always been the more contemplative of her two boys. When Ty was at his most outgoing, Liam was often sitting in the corner tuning one of his guitars or scribbling in a notebook. For years people had just assumed that Liam was simple-minded or slow because Tyler would talk for him, but the truth was Liam was just quiet. Melissa called him "a thinker", and Emily always thought that was a good way of putting it.

She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him on top of his head. Then she hears the sound of an identical pair of feet coming down the stairs at much more rapid pace and Tyler comes bounding around the corner. He plops down on the other side of his mother, and she wraps her free arm around him. For a moment she can't believe they belong to her.

Tyler and Liam were nearly identical. If it weren't for their eye color and the good three inches Liam has on Ty, they would be almost impossible to distinguish. But for Emily all the subtle differences were there. Tyler had sandier brown hair than Liam did, reminding her of her brother Brian. There was a very slight point to Liam's chin, and a roundness to Tyler's face that to someone who hadn't looked at them every day of their lives would be indiscernible. But, Emily had looked at them every day since the day they were born, and every day she found something new to love about them. Her perfect little boys, what would she do without them?

The doorbell rings and Emily tells Ty to run and let his aunt in.

He opens the door and Emily hears him exclaim, "Junior!"

"Hey buddy!" she hears a deep voice return Tyler's greeting.

In a flash Emily is off the couch, Liam trails behind her slowly. She rounds the corner ecstatic that Junior is actually there at the door, Melissa on his heels.

"Hey there!" she says, pulling him in for a hug. "It's so good to see you!"

"You too, Ems," he replies, "But you just saw me like three days ago."

"Yeah but I thought you were going back to California, and I'm happy to see that you didn't!"

"Well thanks!"

"Come in you guys."

"Thanks sweetie," Melissa says giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hey Junior, I got the new Madden game. Do you wanna play with me?" Tyler asks him.

"I would love to bud, but I think we have other plans."

"Oh?" Emily asks, "What other plans?"

Melissa chimes in, "What would you boys say about going to see your mom in the show tonight?"

"Seriously?" Tyler yells, and even Liam perks up at the idea.

"We got the boys tickets as an early thirteenth birthday present," Melissa explains. "Great seats too, third row!"

Tyler jumps around the room excitedly, and tries to get his brother to join in. Liam hops around to humor his brother and Emily can't help but grin at the sight.

"Melissa, you didn't have to do that. I could have gotten you all tickets for free! I am one of their principle gymnasts after all."

"Well, it isn't everyday that we all get to go see Cirque du Soleil together, and I didn't want to bother you with it."

"I wanted to see the show," Junior says, "That's why I stayed in town."

"Rutherford Archibald Cagney Jr.!" Emily giggles, "Are you ignoring your adult responsibilities to spend more time with me?"

Everyone laughs at Junior's full name, and then Melissa starts to pester the boys about changing into some nicer clothes. They head upstairs, leaving Junior and Emily standing in the living room. It had been years since Junior had been in Vegas. He had only recently contacted Melissa, apologizing for his years of estrangement. He told her that he had really realized that his father had as much of a hand in their messy divorce as she did. Max, Junior's older brother, had yet to contact Melissa or Junior about any of it, but Emily was ecstatic that Melissa got at least one of her sons back. Not to mention Junior had been amazing with the boys, watching them at least six times in the last two weeks while Emily was doing shows. It was a gratifying but time consuming business that Emily had entered into, and she was grateful to Melissa and Junior for helping her raise her sons.

"You didn't have to stay," Emily tells him.

"I know I didn't have to, but I was having so much fun here with you and the twins, and with mom, and then she mentioned your show, and I wanted to stay. Do you like swing around on the ceiling or balance on a bunch of chairs or something?"

Emily laughs, "Chair balancing is my friend Yuki's job, but yes I do swing around on the ceiling from various trapeze apparatuses, and if they ever need any kind of traditional gymnastics work done, I'm the girl who does that."

"Do you wear all the freaky make up and tight costumes and stuff too?"

"It kind of comes with the job. I love my make up for this show though. It's all sparkly and fun. I've worn some really weird animal type make up, and that's not really my favorite, but the whimsical stuff I absolutely love."

"How long exactly have you been doing this?"

Emily thought for a minute, "Uh, I guess it has been since the boys were three or four so nine years, maybe. It's been a long time. I've loved every show we've done, and now that I've been working there for so long I get to do a lot more. It's nice to still be able to do what I love, even if I never won a medal for it."

"You could have."

"I don't know. The girls I trained with were hard core, and every single one of them medaled in at least one event at the Olympics back in 2012. God that seems like such a long time ago," Emily says shaking off the feelings that the past revived. She didn't want to go there, it was too negative, and she was done with everything that had happened back then.

As if on cue her phone rings, the screen cryptically reads: PAYSON KEELER. Emily almost can't believe her eyes. She lets the call go to voicemail, hoping it's just a butt dial and nothing more. Looking at the time she realizes she is running late for her dress rehearsal.

"I'll see you after the show," she tells Junior, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and walking out the door.

She gets in her car and heads for the Bellagio hotel, where her show is currently being housed. The show she is currently performing in is a revival of the successful Beatles tribute show "Love". Emily role is to soar over the audience holding onto nothing but an elastic rope, as "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" among other things. It was one of the best shows she had ever been a part of.

As she entered the backstage doors of the Bellagio she heard someone call her name. Looking over she sees a short, Asian girl and a tall blond scurrying over to greet her.

Yuki, the short one, was in most of the shows balancing acts, and also dabbled in ballet. She had learned balancing from her grandmother who was raised in post-war Japan and had to earn a living street performing. She was incredibly proud of all Yuki had achieved in America, and Yuki called her every Sunday to tell her the newest American gossip. Emily and Yuki had been hired around the same time and became fast friends as amateurs in the first few months they performed together.

The lanky blonde was Stardust, but most people just called her Dusty. Her parents were new age hippies, and she had two sisters named Sunflower (who they called Sunny) and Rain. Her brother Arlo also worked in the show. They were both contortionists. Sunny and Rain worked for a different show at the Mirage hotel.

Dusty was probably the most gorgeous person Emily had ever seen, and all of her siblings were just as attractive. Dusty and Arlo had begun their work about five years after Emily, but soon became something like family to her. Arlo and Emily had had a brief fling, but found that work and play simply did not mix and instead called it quits.

"Hey girls," she says, "How are we this evening?"

"Dusty lost her sparkly. Can she borrow yours?"

"Oh yeah totally, just let me do mine first. I have to get in the paint chamber, but after that it will take me like five minutes."

"Sounds good lady! Go get painted!" Dusty replies scampering away.

Emily laughs and puts her stuff down next to her vanity. She heads over to the room where they administer all of the body paint.

"Emily, darling! Have you come to be painted?" the resident makeup artist, Klaus who is more queer than a two-headed penny, exclaims as Emily walks in.

"Just the usual Klaus, make me shine bright like a diamond!" Klaus gave her protective eyewear and asked Emily to strip down to only her undergarments. She did, and Klaus began to work.

First he started with a light misting of white paint, making Emily glow. Then he finished off with a pattern of silver up and down her arms and legs that would flow right into her costume. Klaus finished off by spraying Emily's hair a stark black color. When Emily got back to her vanity she would bind her hair, which was almost to her butt, in a tight braid, wrapping it in silver ribbons. Then she would paint her face the same white color and use her sparkly make up and some thick, black liner to accentuate her eyes. Her costume was a tight white leotard with a pattern of shimmering blacks and silver in it. When she put it on it looked like the only thing she was wearing were the black and silver bits, otherwise the leotard matched her skin.

When she was all dressed and ready to rehearse she stood in the wing of the stage that her first entrance came from. From behind her she heard a sharp whistle.

"Look at Lucy. She is looking mighty fine tonight isn't she girls?"

Emily turned, laughing, "Arlo, you are too much."

"I try," he concedes walking up to her, his sister's arm linked in his own, Yuki trotting along behind.

"You look especially radiant today Ems," Dusty observes. "What's the occasion?"

"My family is coming to watch the show tonight!"

"Wait like your sons?" Dusty asks excitedly.

Dusty had met both of the boys when she had first started working at Cirque and Melissa had brought them to visit. She and Arlo were obsessed with Liam. They called him "Springsteen" and swore he was a child prodigy. They constantly brought her new music for him or books about rock artists from the sixties and seventies that Emily had let pile up to give him when he was a bit older. She told them it wasn't necessary, but they insisted.

"Yes ma'am, Tyler, Liam, my godmother Mellissa and her son Junior are all coming to watch. It's the first real show the boys have ever seen. I just want to make them proud you know. I spend all this time away from them, and want them to know it isn't for nothing."

"I'm sure they already know that," Arlo says.

Emily shrugs, "Still, it's important to me."

"Of course it is," Yuki says. "They're your babies! You should have Ty stick around after the show; I'll show him some new tricks."

Emily smiles, "I'll do that. I'm sure he will be thrilled."

Tyler was the athlete of her two boys. He was always running around playing some kind of sport, baseball, basketball, soccer, but it wasn't until he met Yuki that he even acknowledged gymnastics. He saw her balancing act for the first time when he was about eight years old, and ever since then gymnastics had taken over his life. Emily was pretty proud of him for it, and he had won a few regional competitions, but she wasn't sure if she wanted him to get in as deep as she had. She knew that there was always an open invitation for him to go and train at the Rock, but she questioned putting that much pressure on someone so young. She had been there, and she didn't want him to be stuck in the same place as her.

"People, listen up!" their director yells from the seats of the theatre. "I hope you all had a wonderful vacation. I just want to run through the opening number, make sure the fine tuning is still there since we haven't done a show for a few weeks. I want you all to really focus on the little things."

Emily goes through all of her usual motions as "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" blares over the speakers. She feels the harness she uses to fly around the auditorium being fastened into place by two stage hands. She grabs a hold of the white rope that will catapult her into the air and inhales sharply as her feet leave the ground. She flies out onto the stage and does the only thing she really knows how to do. The feeling she gets from soaring high above the rest of the players is indescribable, and she knows how lucky she is to be able to get that feeling every day.

After the dress rehearsal ends Emily walks back to her vanity to touch up her makeup. Her phone begins to vibrate on her desk. The caller ID reads: PAYSON KEELER. Once again Emily can't believe what she's seeing, and once again she ignores the call.

Why would Payson be calling her now? Emily had not spoken to anyone in Boulder for over ten years. She hadn't spoken to her own mother, much less any of her old teammates, and she didn't want to. That was a life she had left behind where the people she thought had cared about her had all abandoned or betrayed her. Payson and Lauren had never once tried to contact her after the boys had been born. Her mother had actually encouraged her to get an abortion, something Emily wasn't sure she could ever forgive. Kaylie had most likely run off with the father of her children, and who knows where they were now. Emily shook her head, she would not let the past get dug up again just because of a few misdialed phone calls. She had a show to do, twins to raise, and season six of "Charmed" waiting for her at home on Netflix. Life was easy and sweet, and she planned on keeping it that way.

That night she soared above the "oohs" and "ahhs" of the crowd and felt very proud of how far she had come. From an unemployed ex-Olympic hopeful, to a stunning gymnast in one of Las Vegas' premiere shows, not to mention, she was a pretty kickass mom. She sat at her vanity after the show. Her skin was no longer the stark white it had been painted and her hair had returned to its usual chestnut brown that lays stick straight down her back.

She begins to braid her hair, but stops short when she sees two people reflected in her mirror. It can't be, she thinks, but it is. Slowly Emily drops her hair, which quickly unravels, and she turns around.

Standing before her are two people, one man and one woman. The woman is tall, muscular, blonde, and has wide cheekbones accentuated by the most inviting, effervescent smile Emily has ever seen on a human face. The man is tall as well and lankier then she remembers. His light brown hair now hangs in his eyes which are a bright blue color. And the smirk on his face, Emily notes, is the same as it had always been. She opened her mouth, but she couldn't form words. She had no idea what to say, because there was nothing to say.

Finally she choked out the words, "What are you doing here?"

"Hello to you too Emily," Austin Tucker replies, handing her a bouquet of flowers, "You did a fantastic job this evening."

"Uh, thank you," she says accepting the flowers.

"You haven't lost any of your talent Emily, I was floored. I've never been to a Vegas show before so, yeah it was fantastic. You just like soared around the whole place, it was amazing, and you looked so beautiful and-"

"Payson," Emily interrupts her, "You're babbling."

"Oh, sorry, I-"

"Do that when you're nervous, yeah I know," Emily finishes for her. It's amazing how much you remember about a person after so long.

Payson smiles, "I'm sorry to just drop in on you like this. I tried calling."

"I know, but I just assumed they were misdials. We kind of haven't spoken in, oh I don't know ten or so odd years."

"I know, and I can't even tell you how good it is to see you again, especially now that I've seen how successful you've become. It just makes me so happy for you."

"Does it? So what if I was a broke single mother living in a trailer park with a drug addiction? Would you still be happy to see me?" Emily asks angrily turning back around in her chair.

How dare Payson just show up here and expect to catch up like old friends. Payson had never once tried to contact Emily, had never once tried to find out if she was okay.

"Why are you here?" Emily asks suddenly realizing that Payson couldn't just be here for a friendly chat. Not after all this time.

"What makes you say that?" Payson asks.

"Well, I haven't seen or heard from you since 2012 and now you're popping in for a visit. There must be something in it for you or someone else. If my mother sent you, don't bother."

"Actually Emily-" Austin starts, but is cut off by the squeals of two shaggy-haired little boys running up to hug their mother.

"MOMMY! You were so good! You were flying!" Tyler exclaims.

"Good job, Mom," Liam adds in his ever subtle manner.

"Thank you babies, I'm glad you had a good time," Emily replies, hugging them tight, consciously ignoring the obvious stares she was getting from Austin and Payson.

"Twins," she hears Payson whisper.

Sighing she turns to her old friends, "Yes twins. This is Tyler and this is Liam. They are my sons. Boys, meet Austin Tucker and Payson Keeler. They used to do gymnastics with Mommy when she was younger."

Tyler's eyes immediately get wide, "Wait like gold medalist in 2008 Austin Tucker, and all around gold winner Payson Keeler? Are you for real?"

Austin and Payson both start laughing. "You raised him right," Austin says giving Tyler a high five. "Do you like gymnastics?"

Tyler answers by pulling himself up into a handstand on the back of Emily's chair and then swiveling around to face the other way before flipping clean off and landing perfectly on his feet.

"Show off," she hears Liam mutter and can't help but smile at the whole spectacle. Thankfully because of the time it takes to get all of the paint off of her body she is usually one of the last ones in the prep area. She really didn't want everyone she knew to see the circus her life had somehow turned into in the last ten minutes.

"You're great, little man!" Austin tells Tyler. "Do you train somewhere?"

"No, I mean I used to go to the YMCA when I was littler, but now I mostly learn from Mom and her friend Yuki. She balances on chairs, like ten at a time, it's crazy!"

Austin looks at Emily, "You should get this kid to a gym. He's amazing."

Emily rolls her eyes, "So was I. And I'm sure you tell your children they can all be Olympic athletes, but it's a little more complicated than all that."

"Emily I didn't mean-"

"It doesn't matter Austin. And it really doesn't matter why you're here, I'm not interested. Come on boys, we're going."

"But, Mom," Tyler begins to argue.

"No, Tyler, we are leaving. Where are Junior and Melissa?"

"Outside," Liam answers.

"It was great seeing both of you. Give my regards to Lauren," Emily says, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

Heaving a sigh Emily throws her bag over her shoulder and takes her sons' hands. As she leaves the dressing room she feels a little bit like she has chopped off her own arm. A part of her had always thought that her old life might be there waiting for her in the future. That she might someday live in Boulder again, be friends with Payson and Lauren, but now she realized that would never really be an option. So much bad blood existed between her and her old friends; she just didn't see a way around it.

She did feel bad about Austin though. He had always been there for her while she had been training at the gym, always with a smirk on his face, always ready to joke away her problems. In fact Austin Tucker is the only friend in Boulder she could say she wasn't mad at. He had been betrayed by Kaylie the same way she had been betrayed by Damon. Emily would never forget the way he helped her out in France after she had snuck out and gone to Paris. He had found her in a Parisian train station doing back flips to earn enough money for a ticket back to Calais where the National Tournament was being held.

Without him she might have never gotten back. There was a certain spark in Austin that she had always been drawn to, and Emily noticed that while the smirk lived on, the spark had been lost to time. She imagined her own fiery spirit had succumbed to the same affliction, and she couldn't help but want to turn around and apologize for her rudeness. But she propelled herself forward. There was no use in dwelling on the past, she had told herself this a million times. Somehow it always seemed to be able to come back to haunt her.

DAMON

Forty-six, forty-seven, forty-eight… Damon counted the seconds it took to walk from his dressing room to the stage. Like every other show they had ever done together Kaylie had refused to see Damon beforehand. She claimed that it helped her relax, but Damon wondered if it was just meant to mess with his head.

This was the fourth night in a row they had spent performing in Tokyo, and the crowd was just as huge, and just as boisterous as it had been the previous three nights. Being as big of an act as they had become in Europe and Asia, Damon had come to expect it. Their band headed out onto the stage ahead of him. Kaylie was nowhere to be found, as usual.

When the announcer boomed, "Ladies and gentlemen, Brainwashed by Boulder!" Damon was afraid he was going to have to do the show by himself. The second he begins to walk out onstage he feels someone's shoulder brush his. Kaylie.

"Nice of you to show up," he snips.

"Isn't it?" she replies coolly.

"I'm sorry. I was meditating and I lost track of time."

"Let's go, huh?"

"Yeah, sure."

They walked out onstage and their fans roared with pleasure. Damon just couldn't understand it. Thirteen long years they had been at this, and it took them half that time to become this popular in Europe and Asia, but every time they tried to go back to the United States, to L.A. or New York, they were outsiders. Damon could only speak so much Japanese and he longed for a perfectly cooked American hamburger, or a pizza from the Pizza Shack back in Boulder. The place he had tried so hard to stay away from now sounded incredibly appealing.

The show ended about an hour later, and Damon felt exhausted. He was ready for the break they had coming up, and ready to relax. Touring had been fun when they were just starting out. He and Kaylie had shared a cramped van and driven all around Northern Europe eating everything, seeing everything, and most importantly spending time with one another.

As time went on and BBB had become more popular Damon began to see less and less of her. She became busy with dress fittings, business lunches, and 'relaxation'. Maybe it was Damon's fault for giving her sole control of the business side of their group, but he didn't know anything about business, and Kaylie's mom had been showing her the ropes for years when they finally made some money worth mentioning.

He missed her all the time, and wondered if she ever felt the same way. Had fame and time ripped apart all that they had once had? They had never gotten married even though Kaylie had wanted to. Damon thought that they were fine the way they were. He hadn't wanted to ruin it with legal papers and stressful planning. And who would they invite? Kaylie's parents were really the only family either of them had, and the band was the extent of their friend circle. No one from Boulder had contacted either of them in all the years they had been gone. If any of them had seen the Rolling Stone article on them where they explained why their band was called "Brainwashed by Boulder" he didn't blame them for not calling. It had been one of the only American interviews they had ever done and they spent half of it berating the American city that they came from. He and Kaylie had been so ready to leave their old lives behind they hadn't stopped to think of the repercussions it would have five or ten years later.

"Good show Damon," Kaylie says walking off the stage.

"Yeah, great show," he replies sarcastically.

She nods and begins to walk away.

"Kaylie," Damon says, and she turns, "Let's go out, get something to eat."

"Where are we going to go where we don't get mobbed by a thousand people?"

"Los Angeles," Damon suggests

. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, let's fly out, go get some cheeseburgers and call it a night. Or let's order take-out back in the hotel room, just don't flake on me and go to some big party tonight. I want to spend time with you, like we used to. I want to fall asleep with you in my arms," he says lowering his voice the closer he got to her.

She looks up at him, her eyes wide, and he half believes that she is going to accept the offer. But just as quickly as it came the look leaves her eyes.

Kaylie shakes her head, "I got invited to a party tonight, I'm sorry."

"By who?" he asks.

"Just this guy I met," she replies like it's not a big deal.

"What guy?"

"No one, he's just a friend."

"Just a friend, Kaylie do you expect me to believe that? I'm so sick of this!"

"Sick of what, Damon?"

"Of you sneaking off in all hours of the night to meet god knows who, doing god knows what. I'm tired of waking up in the morning and finding out that you never even came home the night before. Do you even want to spend any time with me?"

Kaylie avoids eye contact, and Damon finally plucks up the courage to ask what he had wanted to ask for months, "Do you love me anymore Kaylie? Is this how things end between us?"

Kaylie's head shoots up, a stricken look across her face, "Damon, I… I just need some space. I need some room to breathe for a while."

Damon takes her hand in his, "I still love you Kaylie, and I think I always will. I have done things for you that you cannot even begin to comprehend. When you're ready to commit to me again, if you ever are, give me a call. I can't do this anymore."

Damon turned around and walked away. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he knew that he had to get out of there. The love of his life no longer wanted him around and he had no idea how to feel about it. He and Kaylie had been so out of touch for so long, but hearing her say that she wanted time away from him had hurt more than he could have ever imagined. He couldn't help, in that moment, to think of Emily. Is this what she felt when he had left? If so, he couldn't believe he had ever made anyone feel that way. It was like someone had ripped his heart out of his chest, thrown it on the ground and not even cared at all about what might happen to it.

Damon exits the concert arena onto the streets of Tokyo, forgetting about the massive throngs of people there to see him. Immediately he is stampeded by thousands of Japanese fans. Quickly he heads back inside, this time stopping in his dressing room to grab his aviator sunglasses, leather jacket and beanie. He also throws his phone into his back pocket, grabs his ear buds, and his guitar, and heads for the back entrance, hoping the glasses and the hat will be enough of a disguise for him to make it to the street and grab a taxi. Thankfully it is. Getting into the taxi he tells the driver to take him to the Tokyo airport. Damon wasn't sure where he was headed, but anywhere was better than here.

Tokyo was one of those cities that was never asleep, never quiet, and never dark. It was amazing at first, and Damon had loved it, but now he was sick of it. He wanted to go somewhere with wide open spaces where he could see the stars and write music again.

The taxi arrived at the Narita International Airport and Damon hopped out, thanking the driver in what little Japanese he did know. Looking at the board of outgoing flights Damon knew immediately that he wanted to go back to the states. He'd been to Europe and even to parts of South America, but nothing was quite as grand as the good ole U.S.A. But where would he go? Los Angeles is where he had wanted to take Kaylie, so now he felt no need to go back to the place he had last been with her. New York would be a new and interesting option, but not much different from the craziness he had been enduring for years now. Chicago was a pain, but he could buy a cheap car and drive to somewhere in Indiana or Wisconsin.

Something in his mind triggered when he thought of farm towns and fields in the Midwest. Remembering something, he pulls out his phone and dials the number to his old friend Razor.

The phone rang a few times before going to voicemail, "Hey this is Razor, leave a message and depending on what you want from me I may or may not get back to you. You know what to do."

Damon couldn't help but laugh at the outgoing message before leaving a message of his own, "Hey Razor, it's Damon Young. I know it has been like forever since we talked, but I'm looking for something new to do with myself. I think I remembered hearing you were out in Nashville working, and I was wondering how you would feel if I dropped into town and looked for some work. I'm about to get on a flight out of Tokyo but I'll try you again when I get into the states. Alright, bye."

Damon headed over to the ticket counter and bought a one-way ticket to Chicago, hoping that he was making the right choice. Since he had no bags to check, his wait in the airport terminal seemed existentially long. When his flight was finally called over the loudspeakers, Damon had looked at Facebook on his phone four times over, and watched four reruns of The Office.

As he boarded the plane he did his routine counting, one… two… three. It took sixty-three seconds to get to his seat and settle himself. He couldn't wait for the plane to get off the ground so he could sleep.

"Excuse me," a woman says, trying to get past him to her seat.

"Oh, sorry," Damon says letting her pass and sit down in the window seat.

She is dressed impeccably, he notices, like a businesswoman, pencil skirt, blazer, her black hair up in a bun. He can't put his finger on exactly what is so familiar about her until he sees the tattoo of the Olympic Rings on her right wrist. It was barely noticeable on her dark skin, but he realized who she was almost immediately after seeing it.

"Hey you're Jordan Randall aren't you?"

"Who's asking?" she says, taking her hair down.

"Uh, I'm Damon Young, lead singer of Brainwashed by Boulder. I'm Kaylie Cruz's boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend now."

Jordan's eyes light up, "I remember you. You were the one at the American Music Awards back after we won gold. You're a guitar player or something."

"That's me, the guitar's in the overhead compartment."

"I've heard of your band too. Aren't you like, super famous here, and in like Europe or something?"

She gets her answer when two Japanese girls in their early twenties lean over from the seat across the aisle and ask excitedly if he is indeed Damon Young. He replies that he is and signs a few autographs for them. Finally they retreat giggling as they go. Damon turns back to Jordan who is smiling at the whole spectacle and shrugs.

"So what do you do now?" he asks with a smirk. "You're dressed so fancy."

Jordan responds first by kicking off her high heeled shoes and then by replying, "I'm a talent scout for the United States National Gymnastics Organization. I was checking out a potential gymnast, born in the United States, living in Tokyo."

"And how did that go?"

"She was good. Our offer is on the table and this time next year she could be an Olympic hopeful."

"I congratulate you on a job well done then," Damon replies.

"Well, she hasn't accepted the offer yet, so let's not speak too soon."

"You know you're a lot less uptight than I remember," Damon observes, "Even with those pantyhose on."

Jordan rolls her eyes, "You and I were in the same room for all of two minutes, and Kaylie, Lauren, and Payson were way out of hand if I remember correctly. They used to get so crazy when they would talk about the past. It bothered me."

"So I take it you don't see much of them anymore?"

"I only see them if I'm working with a gymnast at the Rock. Lauren and Payson both have kids training there, and Pay is one of the assistant coaches."

"I see, so life in Boulder is just about the same as I left it."

"As far as I know," Jordan tells him. "But, I never really lived there, so I'm not really the girl to ask. Are you headed back there?"

"Boulder, no way, there's way too much history there. I'm actually headed to Nashville to meet up with an old friend, maybe try my hand at a little country music."

She nods as the pilot comes over the loudspeaker and asks everyone to please fasten their seatbelts for takeoff. Damon and Jordan do so in silence.

It isn't until the plane is up in the air that Jordan decides to talk again, "Music with Kaylie hasn't worked out for you has it?"

"Not how I thought it would work, no it hasn't. It took a long time for us to fall apart, but I can definitely say we got there," Damon told her, happy that he could vent to someone.

"What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I don't mind, and honestly I don't know what happened. One day we were in love, and the next… You know I think it really started after we started making it big. Kaylie started changing, staying out late, bringing strange people back to our hotel rooms, and she stopped talking to me. That's what I hated the most you know. It started to be like I wasn't even there. We did our four shows a week and other than that I was nonexistent. I can't say for sure what triggered it. Maybe I… Maybe I could have done something different."

Jordan is quiet for a moment, "You know, I had known Kaylie most of my life before everything between you and her went down, and she never was the most reliable person. She's ruled primarily by her emotions, which I think is what caused her anorexia and that whole breakdown."

"I loved that about her though. Not the breakdown of course, but the passion she had because she wore her emotions on her sleeve. It was part of what drew me to her. Now though, it's like she has completely shut down all emotions. She's not the same, I'm telling you."

"You really love her don't you?"

Damon nods, "Even after everything she's done, I still love her. I haven't been able to stop since the first day I met her, and it has hurt a lot of people for me to be with her."

"Emily Kmetko you mean? Wasn't she like pregnant or something?"

"My only regret in life, though I have a feeling more are heading my way shortly, was leaving her with absolutely no explanation. She didn't deserve it. She was ready to commit to me even though I could tell she didn't love me anymore either. Emily was in the habit of giving things up for other people. She gave up gymnastics for our kid, and she was prepared to give up her happiness for me, and the family she wanted us to have. God it seems like yesterday… But, it wasn't. I have to leave the past in the past."

Jordan, sensing that a shift in the conversation seems necessary, kindly changes the subject, "So, Nashville, huh? It's a great city."

Damon smiles, "I hope so. I just feel like I need some space, you know, to find myself again. I want to write music again, like I used to. I want to feel something real. Nashville seems like as good of a place as any to start looking for that feeling. Where are you headed?"

"Chicago, to look at another gymnast."

"They sure work you hard at the NGO, huh?"

She laughs, "Nah, it's my job, and I love looking at new talent. I help make dreams possible."

"That is pretty amazing Jordan, I must say."

"Thank you."

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I just got done with a show and I am bushed. I'm going to take like a five hour nap."

"I don't get how you can sleep on a plane."

Damon slips his sunglasses back over his eyes, "Practice makes perfect my dear Jordan."

"Goodnight Damon," Jordan laughs.

"Night!" he replies, and is quickly lulled to sleep by the hum of the plane engine.

KAYLIE

Kaylie had no idea what to do as she watched Damon walk away. She didn't know what to feel either. It was like every emotion she had been keeping down had started to boil over, and it was everything she could do to keep them on a simmer. What had she done?

The last few years played before her eyes now. She saw their first big show together in Athens, how happy Damon had been, and she had been happy too. Happiness. That was a feeling almost alien to her now.

She remembered when it started to happen, the numbness. Her Dad had called to say that her mom was sick and everything began to crumble around her. Damon didn't even know. To him she had just grown distant and unfeeling for no reason. But her mother was dying and she couldn't even bring herself to enter the United States because the pain was just too much.

She hated the feeling of helplessness she got when she thought about it. In fact the more she thought about it the less she wanted to eat. Often, she could feel the stress bottling up inside her, filling her until she felt full enough to skip one meal, then two, then a whole day. Kaylie had been fighting a battle and losing for months now and she could feel herself beginning to fade away.

The only thing she could think of that might make it better was to go out and party with people that didn't mean anything to her. She was unattached to them, free to leave and not care how they got home. She knew that she had been distancing herself from Damon long before he even realized it. The thought of losing him scared her more than most anything. He had once been a great constant in her life, but now he was just a reminder of how much she could lose in such a short time.

So, as Damon disappeared from her life now, she couldn't help but feel relief, then guilt for feeling that way, and then relief again because why lie to herself? He was a threat to her well being, it was simple. Damon leaving was the last link to be broken. Kaylie was now completely unattached to the real world. There was nothing left to make her feel pain, because there was nothing and _no one_ left to care about.


	4. Chapter 4

EMILY

"Emily please wait!" she heard Austin call from behind her. "I really need to talk to you."

"Yeah, well I really need to put my kids to bed," she replied.

"Emily we aren't here for your mother, or even ourselves."

"Really?" Emily asked incredulously.

"Emily, Sasha sent us."

That made Emily stop in her tracks, "Sasha?"

"Please Emily, just talk to us."

Emily turns, "I'll talk to you, but I just… can't talk to Payson."

"Fine," Austin replies.

"I really do need to get the boys home though. Can you meet me there tonight, or tomorrow?"

"I'll be there as soon as I can, just tell me where I'm going."

Emily hesitated but told Austin her address and that she would see him soon. As she walked away she couldn't be entirely sure that what she was doing was the right thing, but if Sasha sent Austin and Payson all the way out here, whatever they have to say must be important to him.

Emily got home and promptly put both of her sons to bed. Tyler had fallen asleep in the car and she'd carried him inside, (which, Emily realized, sounds a lot easier than it is) while Liam trotted along behind her. Once they were both tucked in upstairs Emily headed back down to wait for Austin, who showed up about ten minutes later.

"Emily," he says, "Thank you so much for hearing me out."

"Come in, Austin," she replies.

Austin enters, thanking her again. It was strange to see him standing in her living room. It was like going back in time to when her dreams were so much different than they were now. Having Austin Tucker stand in her home was bizarre, like the past and the future all merging together. It was enough to make Emily feel nauseous. She did her best to keep that feeling at bay.

Austin sits down on the far end of her couch, so Emily sits down on the opposite side, pulling her legs into her chest. An awkward silence fills the air for a few moments.

Finally Austin speaks, "How have you been? You've got a great place here."

"I've been… happy," Emily replies, surprising even herself with how much she truly meant it.

"That's great Ems."

"Yeah, and what about you, how's life treating Austin Tucker?"  
He shrugs, "Same old, same old. I'm one of the assistant head coaches back in Boulder at the Rock, I live in a two bedroom apartment with my dog Charlie and my mom moved into town last year so I could help her around the house. All in all, I can't complain too much."

"No wife, kids?" Emily asks and then realizes she might be prying. How much did she actually want to know about him anyway? It wasn't like she would see very much of him after he left.

He smiles, "No I haven't been as lucky as you have. There have been a few women throughout the years but my schedule is so crazy I could never quite… please them."

Emily smirks, "Too bad, I remember how good you were at pleasing women." Wait, was she _flirting_? She scolded herself. The last thing she needed was to have Austin Tucker thinking she was interested in him. Flirting with Austin had always been second nature to her, and it was amazing how quickly that came back.

Austin didn't seem fazed, "Yeah well, we all hit a rough patch once in a while."

"You don't have to tell me," Emily replies.

He nods, "But you seem good now. You have a great job and your kids seem absolutely amazing. I can't believe you have twins!"

"Some days I can't believe it either," Emily laughs. "It was a shock then, and it can still be jarring to see two practically identical humans running around my house."

"They seem great though. The one of them that does gymnastics is crazy talented."

"Tyler, he's the more outgoing of the two. He was born first, and Liam was born second. He hid behind his brother for the entire pregnancy. I didn't know I was having him until I was literally having him."

"Are you serious?"

"Completely, it was an experience I would not recommend to anyone."

"I can't imagine why," Austin laughs incredulously.

"What about Payson, or the others, do they have any kids? I haven't heard from anyone in so long," Emily says, surprised to realize she was actually interested.

"Uh, yeah, Payson married Nicky Russo not long after the Olympics. They've got a daughter about a year or so younger than your boys named Ayla, and a little boy now too who's about six I think, named Gavin. Sweet kids, the spitting image of their mom. Ayla is like a carbon copy of Payson with brown hair instead of blonde."

"Wow, that's incredible. They're gymnasts I take it."

"Yeah they've both started training. Ayla shows real promise, but her head isn't always in it. And then there is Lauren who has become the epitome of gym moms."

"Lauren's a mother?"  
"Yeah, and actually not a bad one. She started out a little rocky, married a rich businessman who really didn't treat her all that well, had Chantal, her daughter, and started drinking heavily. But, she's been sober now for almost eight years and divorced her husband taking half of his assets with her which she promptly donated to the Rock. She's back on her feet, and her daughter, Cha Cha they call her, is one of the best in her year. She's about ten maybe? Great girl, she's the next Queen of the Beam if you ask me."

Emily clears her throat and gets up from the couch, "Do you want a glass of wine? I'm suddenly feeling the urge to open a bottle."

Austin laughs, "Sure, sounds great."

In the kitchen Emily opens a bottle of Riesling pours two glasses and takes a few deep breaths. Talking about her past in the past is one thing, but hearing about her old friends' new lives is something completely different. It was unnerving.

"So what about Sasha or Kaylie, how are they?"

Austin shifts uncomfortably in his seat, "You don't know about Kaylie?"

"No."

"She ran away with Damon a few months after the Olympics. They found each other at the American Music Awards and decided to try to be a duo. Apparently they're pretty big overseas, but I've never bothered to listen to any of their stuff. Their band is called Brainwashed by Boulder so I never really gave it the time of day."

Emily didn't know how she had been expecting to feel when her suspicions of Damon's feelings for Kaylie were confirmed, but she had definitely expected to feel something. As Austin spoke she slowly began to realize that Damon's name no longer hurt to hear, and the fact that he was with Kaylie somewhere making music made her feel nothing more than a hope that they were both happy. Emily wondered if this is what moving on felt like and then decided that it most definitely was. She was in that moment, completely content.

She walked into the living room and handed Austin his glass, "And Sasha?"

Austin raises his eyebrows, surprised that there were no more questions about Damon or Kaylie. He takes a sip of his wine and continues, "Uh he married Summer, shortly after you left they eloped, it was kind of a scandal."

"Are you serious? I thought she was going to marry Lauren's dad!"

"Apparently that plan fell through. I think we kind of all knew it would. Sasha and Summer are crazy for each other even now."

"Please tell me they have kids. Summer would be the best mom."

"They do actually. They have three, triplets actually, so there's something you have in common with them."

"Triplets, seriously?"

"Yep, Amber, Markus, and April Beloff, three of the most gifted young gymnasts I think I've ever seen, April especially. They're about the same age as your boys, but it's unreal how great they are."

"Maybe I'll see them compete someday. I'd like to," Emily says, meaning it.

"Actually that's what I've been meaning to talk to you about."

"Okay," Emily says somewhat dreading what she thinks is coming next.

"The triplets are getting older now, and so is Sasha and he doesn't think it would be completely appropriate for him to be the coach of his own children once they get to serious competing age, so he's looking for a new head coach for the Rock."

"Okay, so what does that have to do with me?"

"Sasha sent me and Pay out here to ask you if you would take the job. Sasha wants you to know before you answer that you should feel free to call him if you have questions but that he very much wants you to be the new head coach at The Rock."

Emily almost choked on her wine as she really heard what Austin was asking her. Did he say head coach? How could this be possible?

"You're kidding right?"

"Not even a little."  
Emily takes a moment to comprehend the idea, "Aren't there better options? What about Payson, what about _you_?"

"Sasha was very clear. He wants you."

"Did he say why? I don't see why Payson isn't better suited for the job."

"He did mention something to me. He told me that Payson has the drive and the discipline but you have the heart."

Emily shakes her head, "I don't understand. I haven't been in the gymnastics world for years, why would I even be a thought to Sasha? It makes no sense!"

"Regardless, this is why he sent me here, Emily. You are the one he wants to take up his legacy. Clearly he believes in you."

"Well I don't!" Emily cries in frustration. "I don't believe in me. I can't be a coach, and I can't go back to the Rock. I can't uproot my family to go all the way back to a place that was never right for me to begin with. No, Austin, just tell Sasha that I can't, okay? I just can't."

Emily could feel herself shaking but she didn't realize that she had been crying until Austin tried to wipe her tears away. She flinched at his touch, and immediately felt bad about it. He had come all the way here to do another man's bidding, he didn't need to care about how she felt and he still did.

"Emily, please don't do this to yourself. If you want me to go I will, and that will be the end of it, I promise. But, I just need to say before I do, that I'm pretty sure that you could be the best head coach the Rock has ever seen."

Emily takes a deep breath and manages to choke out one word, "Why?"

Austin smiles and takes her hand in his, "Because of this right here. You aren't thinking about yourself in this situation, unless I'm reading everything wrong. You're thinking about your boys, about your family, and what this could do to them. Emily, you have kind of a gift for being selfless, ask anyone you know. You gave up your dreams for a child you didn't even know yet, for a life you thought you could have with Damon, and even when that didn't work out you never looked back.

"That's why Sasha wants you and not me or Payson. You give things up for the betterment of other people, and that's what a good coach does. Not to mention you know what it is to be in the position of these gymnasts who may sometimes have fears that they don't think they can share with anyone, but you can be there for them. You know how these girls operate Emily; you were these girls ten years ago. And, I believe in you, so that should be worth more than all of it put together."

"Ha!" Emily laughed, conscious now of Austin's hand in her own and how close his face had gotten to hers. Emily is once again taken aback by how unchanged he is. Looking at him was like she was seventeen years old all over again at the Rock practicing late. But then there was something else, something so different about him in all the familiarity. It was like the light had gone out of his eyes, like he'd lost his spirit.

"What?" Austin asked when he noticed her looking at him.

Emily hesitated, "Who was she?"

"Who?"

"The girl that broke your heart."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I've seen the same look that you have in your eyes in my own, after Damon left me. Was it Kaylie?"

Austin squeezes her hand, "No it wasn't Kaylie. Kaylie and I broke up long before she ever got together with Damon."

"Then who was it? Who took the spark out of your eyes?"

Austin looks taken aback.

He takes a drink from his glass and begins quietly, "Her name was Cynthia. She was a schoolteacher in Boulder and probably the sweetest person I've ever met. There was absolutely nothing fake about her at all, she was not the kind of girl you would ever have expected me to end up with, but she was perfect."

"What happened to her?"

Austin sighs heavily, "She died. Stage four lung cancer. She never smoked a day in her life, but both of her parents were heavy smokers. It was from all the secondhand carcinogens. It took her from me in less than a year. But, it was a long time ago, and time goes on, the heart heals."

"But, never completely," Emily says quietly, more for her own benefit than for Austin's.

"And yet, I wouldn't change a thing, and I know you wouldn't either."

She intertwines her fingers with his and holds on tight.

"No you're right, I wouldn't change anything. Have you seen my children? They're amazing! How could I trade them in for a gold medal?"

Just then, as if his ears had been buzzing, Liam trots down the stairs, comes around the corner and plops down on the couch next to Emily.

"Hey baby, what are you doing up?"  
"I can't sleep."

"Well, you've barely tried yet."

He sighs, "I know."

"Are we being too loud?"

"No, but I heard what you were talking about."

"Oh?"

"Yeah and Momma if you want to move somewhere so Ty can do gymnastics I just wanted you to know that I wouldn't be mad."

Emily raises her eyebrows.

"But what about you, Liam, you don't like it here?"

"I mean, I do. But, I can play music pretty much wherever, Tyler can't do gymnastics wherever."

"True, but you wouldn't miss your friends, or your Aunt Melissa?"  
"Could Aunt Melissa come too?"

"No, sweetheart her home is here."

"Well she could visit, and I think Ty really deserves a shot Mom. And so do you."

Emily smiled to keep from tearing up, "Thank you for saying that baby, and I will think very hard about it okay. But you really need to get to bed now, it's very late."

"Okay, I love you," he says and gives her a hug.

"I love you too sweetie, always. Goodnight."

Liam went back upstairs, and Emily turned back to Austin, "That's more than he usually says in a day."

"He is a great kid, Emily."

"Thank you."

"And he's right; you deserve a chance to show the world that you are still kicking."

"Why do you care so much? If anything you should be irate that Sasha chose me over you."

"Well, first of all that isn't my style. I'm really a good guy when it comes down to it. And secondly, I have always cared about you Emily, one way or another. You and I were kind of a secret pair back in the day, weren't we?"

"You did always seem to have my back. In fact you're one of the only people I can look back on and say that I never thought badly of you. My own mother doesn't even get that honor."

"You don't talk to her do you, or your brother?"  
"They both decided long ago that it wasn't in their best interest to support me. I never argued, I just moved on. Melissa has been much more of a mother to me then my own ever was. Sometimes I felt more like her mother."

"I'm sorry. But the fact of the matter is Emily that I care about you, and I want what's best for you, whether you understand that or not, do you?"

"I'm beginning to," Emily replies.

And, she means it. For the rest of the night they exchange old stories, laugh until they cry, and when Austin kisses her goodnight Emily doesn't stop him. As she closes the door to his promises that he'll return the following day to do a little more convincing, she can't help but think that he won't have to do much more to really convince her. She could see herself now standing inside the Rock helping young gymnasts, sticking it to every person who ever thought she wouldn't amount to something. She saw it all clear as crystal, and she liked what she saw.

KAYLIE

"Kaylie! Kaylie, is it true? Is Brainwashed by Boulder really over?"

Kaylie Cruz pushed her way through the mob of reporters and cameras, remembering a time when it felt good to be the center of attention. How naïve she had been. Trailing behind her were the people that had become her entourage in the last few months since Damon had deserted her: her manager Paula Patton, best friend Kyle Everhart, his sister Krisha, and in her handbag as always, was her chocolate miniature pincher Petunia. Since Damon had left they had been her constant support system.

It had been a long while before the Japanese press caught wind of Damon's departure. She had gotten close to three months of peace before someone from the states had sent in a few photos of Damon playing a gig with some other guy in Nashville to a Japanese tabloid. After that it had been like all hell had broken loose, and Kaylie needed out. Finally she had decided to take a nice trip to Rio de Jainero. If Damon could get out then so could she.

"God, could the paps be out in fuller force? They should be happy you and Damon are done. He was just holding you back, Kay," Krisha said between pops of bubble gum. She wasn't much but at least she was loyal.

"Thanks Krish, I think you're right," Kaylie replies, hoping it will please her, and maybe keep her quiet. She loved Kyle dearly, and he had been the one constant in her life for a very long time, but Krisha, well she was a different story. She was a fame monger, and Kaylie knew it, but she was Kyle's little sister so she stayed around.

In all honesty Kaylie didn't know what to make of her break from Damon. She knew she still loved him, but would that ever be enough for her to let him back into her life. Wasn't it easier just to live a solitary life, no one there to lose, and no way to get hurt?

Kaylie and her entourage boarded a one way jetliner to Rio, and settled into their seats, hoping for an easy take off. As the other passengers boarded Kaylie pulled out her phone to turn it off. There were six new voicemails from her father, but she couldn't stand to try and listen to them. They would just be more pleas for her to come home to Boulder, and Kaylie knew she couldn't do it. She had listened to one earlier that day, hoping she would be strong enough to deal with whatever her father had to say. But, when she put the phone to her ear, it was not her father that spoke:

_Hija,_ her mother had whispered, _Kaylie, I miss you so much.__I know your father has told you that I'm not in the best shape these days, but I don't want you, for even a minute to stop chasing your dreams.__They're too precious to be wasted on a woman with so little left in her.__Live your life hija, to the fullest, okay?__Do it for me.__I love you my sweet girl.__Do not forget._

Kaylie could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she thought of her mother and all the times they had shared. It was her mother who had first taught her to sing, to dance, to love music, and now she could be gone. Her mother could be dead and she wouldn't even bother to find out if her suspicions were right.

"Kyle am I a coward?" she asked her blonde friend.

"Oh, sweetie of course you aren't. Why would you say that?"

She shrugged.

"Kaylie Cruz, you are a fierce, wondrous woman and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!"

She smiled, "Thanks Ky, you're sweet."

He squeezed her hand and went back to flipping pages in his _Harper's Bazaar_, carefree as ever. She envied him.

When the stewardess came around with dinner Kaylie shook her head politely and told her that she wasn't hungry. In truth Kaylie just felt empty, but not the kind of empty that food could fill. She hadn't felt quite this horrible since Maeve's death, and the thought of that frightened her. There had been some drastic fluctuations in her weight lately, and Kaylie knew that the monster was back to fight another round with her. Just like the first time, Kaylie was letting the monster win, and she could care less. Unlike the first time there was no Lauren or Sasha or Austin looking out for her and noticing the signs. She was fading away and no one was even aware of it.

If she wasn't going to eat then she might as well sleep. She pulled Petunia out of her carry on and placed the miniature dog onto her lap, who then turned around a few times before curling into a ball. Before long the dog was snoring, and Kaylie was too. Her sleep was restless. She kept dreaming up people from her past. There was Lauren telling her what a coward she truly is, that Kyle is a complete dunce, she shouldn't take what he says seriously. Then Emily convincing her that she is worth so much more than she is giving herself credit for, leave it to Emily to make her feel worse by trying to make her feel better. And then there was Sasha, who didn't say anything, he just stood there, silent and disapproving, and his silence was worse than anything anyone could ever say.

Kaylie woke with a start, sweating and confused. Where was she? Then she remembered boarding the plane. _Rio, I'm going to Argentina._ All of a sudden she felt sick.

"Kyle, take Petunia," she said, handing the dog over in a rather urgent manner.

"Uh, okay," Kyle replied taking the dog.

Kaylie got out of her seat and began what seemed like a long journey toward the plane's tiny bathroom. She felt extremely dizzy, unbalanced, and she didn't think it was just because of the movement of the plane. Kaylie's foot caught on one of the seats in front of her, or was it her other foot she caught it on? She couldn't tell the difference, everything was too blurry.

"Kaylie, are you alright?" she heard someone ask. _Paula, your manager,_ she told herself, but the thought was fleeting. It took all of Kaylie's energy just to focus on standing up straight. Then she was falling fast, and she had no way to catch herself. She cried out and fell flat on her face. She could hear the muffled shouts coming from the people all around her, but none of their words made any sense. What was happening? Before she could get an answer her vision started to get spotty, and she vaguely registered Kyle and Krisha standing over her. All of a sudden she had this impulse to simply close her eyes, to give in. It would be so much simpler that way. So she did. And in the darkness, she thought she had finally found contentment.

Then, she woke up.

DAMON

Damon strummed the final chord of his song, and nodded his head in thanks at the smatter of applause that followed. After so many years of wild arena shows there was something comforting about playing in a next-to-empty bar at three in the morning. There was no pressure, no pizzazz; it was just Damon and his instrument against the world. What more could he want?

"Folks this'll be my last song, thank you for listening this evening and safe travels home. You know how the old song goes, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." Damon launches into a cover of "Closing Time", his favorite song to end the night with. It was cheesy and completely overdone, but for some reason he loved it.

By the end of the song the only two people left in the bar were Damon himself, and the bar's owner Donnie. Damon turned off his microphone, unplugged his guitar from the amp, put it in its case and slipped his leather jacket on. He grabs the tip jar he keeps at the end of the stage and collects the money inside. There can't be more than thirty bucks in it, but Damon wasn't complaining. When he factored in what Donnie was paying him nightly with tips, he realized quickly that he had worked for much, much less.

"Have a good night Don," Damon says, slapping the bar on his way to the exit.

"Wanna stay for a drink Damon? It's on the house."

"Tempting my man, but I've got a nice soft bed waiting for me at home, and she is calling my name."

"Alright, maybe another night then," Donnie replies.

"You got it."

Damon stepped out of the heat of the bar and into the cool, spring, Tennessee weather. After close to six hours cramped up on the tiny stage in Donnie's place the fresh air and the wide open spaces seemed like just about the best things in the world. He walked over to his motorcycle, anxious to get on the road and feel the wind blow the sweat off his brow. Throwing his guitar case over his back he climbed on and started her up.

Damon remembered when he had first gotten the she-devil. Emily's godmother Melissa had bought the motorcycle for Damon, thinking it would be nice for him to have his own mode of transportation in the hectic city of Las Vegas. He had driven away on it the day he left Emily, a day that still haunted him from time to time. When he was overseas he had it stored at a garage in L.A. Upon returning he sent for her immediately, anxious to ride her again, anxious to feel free. She didn't disappoint.

He drove for about fifteen minutes until he came to an old rundown cabin, basically in the middle of nowhere. If one were to survey the property, one might think that the place was deserted. The paint was chipping off the siding, the roof leaked, the garden was completely overgrown, there were boards that creaked in almost every part of the house, but to Damon it was home nonetheless. He liked the space, how there were almost no neighbors for about a three mile radius. It was very liberating, a good feeling to have after being cooped up and depended on by so many people for so long.

Opening the door to the house, Damon wasn't surprised to find it completely pitch dark inside. It was the middle of the night. But, he was even less surprised to find out that he was the first one home this morning. Razor and Johnny probably wouldn't get home for another good hour. When they did they will probably have been drinking, and they will most definitely be hungry. There was no use in Damon trying to sleep when his roommates were just going to come home and wake him up again with their five a.m. antics.

Damon sighed and grabbed his guitar. Stumbling out the back door he walks out into what was probably once a corn field, but now is sprouting nothing but weeds. He makes his way past an old wrecked up barn, completely uninhabitable, probably about to collapse at any second and stops when he gets to the truck. He didn't know why it was there, none of them did. But obviously its previous owner hadn't wanted it real badly because there it sat in the middle of their backyard, faded blue, no wheels, just the hollowed out carcass of an old Ford truck. It was Damon's favorite place to play and write and just think about anything and everything.

He climbed up onto the hood of the truck with his instrument, and lay down on the windshield so he could see the stars. Absentmindedly he began strumming his guitar, and slowly but surely his mind wandered to the person he could never seem to stop his mind from wandering to: Kaylie. Where was she? What was she doing? Who was she with? He could invent so many different theories, torture himself with countless what ifs, but he could never find the strength to call her and actually find out. It was as if the part of him that loved Kaylie was broken, unable to let her back in, and too prideful to make the first move.

Razor thought it was pathetic. He constantly caught Damon staring off into space, or strumming his guitar and looking longingly into the distance as though he was pining for some lost love. In a way he was, but that didn't stop Razor or Johnny from making fun of him for it.

Damon had been extremely surprised that Razor had even offered Damon a place to live. After all, Damon had stolen his girlfriend and completely ruined their friendship. Those were things not so easily forgiven. But, in all the time Damon had been living with him Razor had never even brought it up, saying the past was in the past and that's where it should stay. In any case, Razor probably wasn't angry about Emily anymore, considering about six months after his relationship with her had ended he met Johnny, and his days of dating women had ended then and there. Razor had been out and proud now for over ten years, and while it took Damon a little off guard, in the end he couldn't have been happier for his old friend.

Johnny on the other hand, was a lot less than Razor deserved. He was a lot more serious about making it big on the country music scene, and was convinced that in order to do so, he had to stay in the closet. Damon had woken up more than a few times to fights between the two of them over the issue, none of them even the least bit civil. Apparently tonight was to be no exception.

Damon started at the sound of the cabin door slamming, bringing him out of his reverie. There were some muffled shouts from inside the house and then he heard, clear as day, "Why didn't you just do us all a favor then and fuck her Johnny? God damn it!" Razor was outside now, heading for where he knew Damon probably was. He tended to use Damon as a buffer in these situations, or at least as a friendly face to give him courage. Johnny was never one to fight fair.

"Oh, that is rich coming from you Razor."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Why didn't I just do _her?_ Why don't you just go do him? I see how you look at him. It's not a secret _sweetheart._"

"Shut up, Johnny, and quit trying to make this about me when it isn't!"

"What is this about precisely, me dancing with some girl? Come on baby, you know I have to keep up appearances. She didn't mean anything."

"That's it exactly, Johnny. I can't watch you 'keep up appearances' anymore. It hurts. I watched you tonight. You—" Razor's voice broke, "You touched that girl in ways that should be reserved for the person that you love. Ways that should be reserved for me, and I can't watch that shit anymore."

"What do you want me to do, Ray? I'll do anything, tell me what to do."

Razor scoffs, "You should know what to do Johnny, I shouldn't need to tell you."

"Come on—"

"I want you to stop lying to yourself! You are gay, John. Why is that so hard to deal with? I'm proud of it! I'd yell it from the rooftops if I could! I'd tell everyone how much I love you, and how I really don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks about it. But you, you are content to keep it all hidden, even from yourself."

"You know why I have to do it. It's not what I want, but have you ever met a gay country singer?"

Damon turned to look at them then. They were only a few feet away from him now, and Damon could see Razor's face in the moonlight. He looked like the fight had completely been taken out of him. In that moment Damon really felt for him. He knew what it was to know someone for so long, and be so disappointed in the person they have become.

"So be the first one, John. Don't be ashamed of us," Razor says, taking his boyfriend's hands.

"Razor, this is important to me."

"And I'm not?"

"I didn't say that, it's just—"

"No, I've heard enough Johnny, enough for a lifetime, and I'm telling you I can't do this anymore! This is a fight we've had way too many times. If you can't swear that it's going to be me and only me, twenty-four seven, then I think you should go."

"Go? Go where?"

"Anywhere, but I… I can't have you here anymore if this is going to be our life. I've wasted nine good years not being truly loved by you, and damn me to hell if I waste one more."

"Ray, baby, I love you, what are you talking about?" Johnny tried to take Razor's face in his hands but Razor pulled back.

"If you loved me, you would have danced with me tonight, not some two-bit hussy in tacky cowboy boots. You would have told her that you are in a committed relationship with your bass player and that you needed to get back up and play soon. Then you would have walked over and planted a big, fat one on me, just because you can. But, you didn't. You squeezed her ass instead of mine, so now I'm going solo, Johnny, and you have no one to blame but yourself."

Johnny stood there for a moment, silent, staring into Razor's eyes, probably wondering if this was all a bad dream. Damon didn't like him much, and he knew Razor was doing the right thing, but he also knew Johnny really did love Razor, and that throwing away a nearly ten year relationship was extremely hard for anyone, regardless of the situation. But, Razor stayed strong and poised in that moment, never letting Johnny see anything but the decided look on his face.

Johnny nodded then, and said, "Fine, if that's the way you want it, I'll go pack my things. Give me a half hour before you come in, huh? I could use the space."

Razor nodded in reply, and Johnny walked off.

When Johnny disappeared into the house Razor stared after him, probably wondering if he did the right thing.

"Hey Ray," Damon says, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, Damon?" Razor replies, his voice wavering.

"I'm proud of you right now. That took… everything. Trust me, I know. It feels like your world is falling apart right now, but tomorrow and every day after this you're going to wake up, and every day it's going to get easier, I promise."

Razor nods and then turns to climb up onto the truck next to Damon, "It's a weird feeling to have, this freedom. I can't remember the last time—Well actually I can remember, it was losing Emily. That's the last time I can ever remember feeling this kind of emptiness I'm feeling now."

Damon shifts uncomfortably.

"Don't worry man, this, uh… Well this feels way, way worse," Razor says, and Damon knows that Razor is not going to be able to hold on much longer. When Damon had left Kaylie, he had been able to walk away entirely, even leave the country she was in. It was a clean break. Razor was going to have to walk around the house that he had lived in with Johnny, go to all their old haunts, and even play in his band if he wanted to make any money. Johnny would haunt him everywhere he went, which was much worse than the way Kaylie or even his regrets about Emily haunted Damon.

"Uh, Damon?"

"Yeah, man?"

"For like five minutes can you pretend you aren't straight as an arrow and hold me?" His voice broke; tears began pouring down his cheeks, his shoulders shaking.

"C'mere," Damon chuckled pulling Razor toward him. Razor laid his head on Damon's shoulder, and held on tight to the arm Damon wrapped around his torso. They both looked up at the sky, and Damon resolved to just let Razor cry. There came a point when you just had to let it all out and then build up from nothing. Damon wanted nothing more for his oldest friend than for him to have some kind of peace, so they sat there for what felt like hours and Damon didn't mind.

When Razor finally calmed down, he asked Damon, still weepy, about his experience with Kaylie. He asked how long it would take him to feel like there wasn't a giant space inside of him threatening to grow at every turn and swallow him whole. Damon responded first by telling him he should start writing songs about everything he was feeling, because this time in his life was prime for songwriting. Razor laughed, and Damon considered that a small victory.

"But I have to honest," Damon told him, "It never really goes away. A piece of Emily and now a piece of Kaylie are going to be with me for the rest of my life, and in turn they each have a piece of me. That's the price you pay for giving yourself to someone, the price of love."

"How do you stop from falling apart completely?"

Damon couldn't even remember the amount of times he had asked himself that exact same question. He had to think very hard before coming up with a good answer, "You take every day at face value, you work hard and you throw yourself into the things you love. One day you'll realize it doesn't hurt to think about that person anymore. Then you'll thank them for the lessons they taught you, and you'll carry that piece of them around with pride, hoping they feel the same when they think of you."

"So you think I'll get there?"

"I know you will, man! We'll get there together, because God knows I'm not even close."

"You still think about her?"

"Every single day."

"God, we're depressing," Razor deadpans.

Damon snickers, "You ready to go in? The sun is coming up, and I think I might pass out here if I don't go lay down."

"You go. I think some time to myself is in order."

"Want me to leave Susie with you?" Damon asks, referring to his guitar. "She's a good listener."

"Yeah, sure. I might strum her for a bit while I contemplate my future."

"Good idea. Hang in there dude."

"Damon?"

"Yeah," Damon says swinging around to face his friend again.

"I can't play with him anymore. I have to quit the band."

Damon sighs, "If you want I can talk to Donnie, see if he doesn't mind taking on another act, or maybe he'll split my pay in half and we can play together. It's been a while since I've really, _truly_ collaborated with anyone, might be nice."

"That would be… incredible, actually. I've got some material stored away. Maybe we could make a go of it, like the old days."

Damon grimaced, "Hopefully a little better than the old days."

Razor laughs, "Touché. And Damon, thanks for being here. I don't think I could have done any of this without your example or your words of wisdom."

"Don't mention it. After everything I've put you through, I'm happy to help."

"You know I don't hold any of that against you," Razor says after a short pause. "Everything that happened between you and me and Emily, it was a lifetime ago. I was never really that crazy about her to begin with, for obvious reasons. But she was crazy about you, and I wanted that. That's why I was so angry. I saw how she looked at you, and I wanted to be that person for someone. That's all it was. So quit bringing it up like you owe me something. At this point it's been water under the bridge for quite awhile."

Damon didn't know what to say.

"Go to bed, Damon," Razor says, saving him from an awkward reply. "We have a lot of music to make in the… early afternoon."

"'Night, Razor."

"'Night."

Damon walked back to the cabin, surprised he could still walk at all. It was past six in the morning, and he had been awake for almost twenty-four hours now. The events of the last few hours weighed on his mind heavily, but that didn't stop him from falling into bed, utterly exhausted. Within minutes he was asleep, dreaming of airplanes and uneven bars.


End file.
